Are girls in theory using you if you become their Chad? Provided they have a boyfriend/husband?

quicklogaccount · 2017-04-25T18:32:33+00:00

mmm. Look at it like this.

At some point this girl had a relationship (even platonic) with some other guy. Whenever this other guy was engaged talking to other women, this girl felt some intense feelings and was MORE attracted.
In other words, she doesn't know what a man finds attractive in a woman, she knows what she finds attractive in men, and she will try and do that to get men attracted to her.

Now, this means that SHE TRIES TO DREAD YOU. Actually, she tries to do the same game that worked on her before.
This isn't the same as saying she is using a single man the same way a committed man uses a single woman. Committed women want the validation single men can provide, we care less about the validation and want the sex.

Could the guy on the side ever vent and let her know that it's not cool to do something like that or is that inherently insecure to confront that issue genuinely?

Rule 101 in handling people here man.
"You shouldn't flirt because it hurts the other guy" reads as "You shouldn't do this because it hurts me, therefore you are in the wrong". No one cares about hurting you, so the reply you get from this approach is defensive. "It hurts you because you are weak, and this is not my fault."

What you can do and works is try "You shouldn't do this because it hurts you". I managed to get a friend to stop dreading her boyfriend by pointing out to her that "the same way women seduce guys by being feminine and fragile but abhor girly guys, women think a bit of jealously strengthens the bond but men abhor it and will only act out of insecurity."

All in all teasing and flirting is a part of relationships between men and women, even with no romantic interest, simply because women want this sort of validation from men that are valuable enough to provide it.
What is likely to happen is, as your confidence and abundance grows, you get less phased by these teasing games and stop seeing too much into it, so, if you're talking about a committed girl gaming you, just don't bother.

If you're worried she'll end up screwing some other clueless guy, maybe you can address it, but make it about her benefit. "This guy is uncalibrated and he'll get a crush on you. Once you dump him, he'll terminate your friendship so he can recover and move on."

PM_ME_UR_RP_T_AWAY · 2017-04-25T20:16:01+00:00

Girls are always using you and if they can't they are ignoring you. As are friends, family, and co-workers.

Don't worry, you're using all of them too.

failingtheturingtest · 2017-04-25T23:27:41+00:00

She is using you regardless of the context.
If you have an issue with it, then you drop her and move on. You cannot negotiate these things, and especially not with someone who is cheating on a boyfriend/husband.
Your boundaries for what you will accept are yours to enforce. Either you have a problem with this and you move on, or you don't and you keep her around as long as it suits you.

Sounds like you don't think this is acceptable, but you don't have the abundance to just replace her.

Title	Are girls in theory using you if you become their Chad? Provided they have a boyfriend/husband?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	5
Date	April 25, 2017 5:44 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/67i62w/are_girls_in_theory_using_you_if_you_become_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/are-girls-in-theory-using-you-if-you-become-their.90117 https://theredarchive.com/post/90117

Comments