I don't know how to be. Should I be the fun and loose guy, should I be the serious status smooth guy, should I be inbetween?

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April 30, 2017
1 upvotes

Fuck, man. This is my biggest problem.I don't know who to be.

I read in one of TRP's best posts that girls want to be around a

fun, carefree, positive, dominant and relaxed

male, but fuck, man. Whenever I try to be those things I 'let loose' and look like an absolute moron. I can't dance so being 'fun and carefree' in my type just turns out moronic.


Then there's the confident dominant 'I own this place' style. Believe my, I've tried it. But whenever I do I this style I look like this, which makes sense since I kinda look like him in his younger years.

Don't tell me Be Your Self. My 'self' is undisciplined, scared of everything, insecure and boring.

I hope I can find some help here.

I'll give Gold if your answer is fantastic ;)

Thanks in advance.


Post Information
Title I don't know how to be. Should I be the fun and loose guy, should I be the serious status smooth guy, should I be inbetween?
Author WolfofAnarchy
Upvotes 1
Comments 16
Date 30 April 2017 07:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/90383
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/68h6a4/i_dont_know_how_to_be_should_i_be_the_fun_and/
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Comments

[–]refusewool4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

No one in TRP will tell you to be yourself. That's soppy seduction blue pill advice. Instead, we say be the best version of yourself.

Sounds like you have imposter syndrome. Google it.

You want to pick a style that appeals to your frame. For some that is a dark triad, aloof, mysterious type, and for others it's a fun, confident, social style. Both can go wrong if you overdo it (classic moody, sullen, angsty teenager overdoing the first one, beta class clown supplicater overdoing the latter). Everything in TRP is about balance.

Edit: don't bother with the gold. That's not what TRP is about.

[–]WolfofAnarchy1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Wow, thanks!

From the name, imposter syndrome sounds like what I have but I'm really only just mimicking movie or TV characters that seem like what I want to be like. I know that sounds super sad but it's true, sadly.

So your advice would be to combine the two you mentioned (the good parts). It's what I'm trying to do but I never really get anywhere.

[–]refusewool0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not saying combine just those two. I'm saying explore and experiment with what suits you best (not everyone can pull off every style). Incorporate the best bits from all of them.

I'll leave you with a quote from Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club): "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

[–]WolfofAnarchy0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks again, man. You're a great help.

Isn't it kinda beta though to try different things every time? Like I understand trying to be a bit more this and that, but afterwards, I can't help but feel that I've been an 'actor' instead of me.

[–]refusewool0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is imposter syndrome all over. Completely normal with swallowing the pill.

Firstly, it's not beta to explore what style suits you -- it's just part of the self improvement journey.

Secondly, you will eventually develop your own frame and it will become an integral part of who you are as a person. That comes with time, however, so in the mean time, read TRP theory, sidebar, recommended books, go to the gym etc. The rest will eventually fall into place naturally.

[–]WolfofAnarchy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks man. I do feel lost with my character. Like, yeah, in time I'll know more, but what should I act like until then. Me not knowing in turn destroys confidence.

[–]refusewool0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're overthinking it. Don't act, just be. Practice mindfulness, it will help with that.

[–]Rudeyyyy1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I'l use myself as an example because recently I went what you're going through now. Back in high school I was sort of the class clown except I actually tried in school. Everyone would see me as the really funny NICE guy. Nothing more. People liked hanging around me because I was funny and nice and positive. I didn't get laid in high school even though I played sports and had a decent social circle except I spent my saturday night fapping and playing video games. You'd think someone who is outgoing with a big personality and is funny and people like being around would be at parties right? nope.

Then I got to college and realized I need to do a complete 180. I was too serious all the time. Never made any jokes, almost never smiled. It got to the point where all my friends and co workers thought I had come down with clinical depression because I wasn't the normal fun happy go getter up beat funny nice guy.

So I found a balance. When I was with friends at parties or gatherings I would still be able to crack jokes and make quick whitted comments that got everyone laughing making me the center of attention. At work I was able to do this but just not as much. I cut back and was serious when need be.

Example how this came into play: Girl I liked I was always the funny nice guy around her. Always up beat with a smile on my face, always made jokes and she was always laughing with me and had a smile on her face. When I asked her out I did a complete 180. Was dead serious with a straight face and she thought I was joking at first until she saw the look on my face and how I was looking in her eyes and she was somewhat taken back by it. She didn't expect it. I failed her shit tests as this was all before I found TRP but you get my drift. For some girls it can be a turn on. They expect you to be one way and thats it and when you flip yourself they're actually like holy shit I've never seen this side of you before. It can turn them on if you know how to play it right. I didn't know how to play it right but I know what I have to do to fix it but that's another story.

Point is, find some balance. Know when you can be funny and know when you have to be serious. If you're talking to a girl you never met, I'd go with a little bit of funny. Make some quick whitted comments and it's an ice breaker. It works most of the time because you won't come off as a creep to them. But when make sure they know that you mean business when you want to get down. It's a two face essentially. If you're in a LTR be you. Be funny, have fun, laid back etc. But if she pisses you off or shows some sort of disrespect put her in her place and be assertive about it. She'll either fall right back into frame or she'll crack and leave and that's just one more plate broken. This is a long reply but I think you needed some examples.

[–]WolfofAnarchy1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Wow dude, that's a great help. Seriously, thanks. I think you're right! Biggest problem is I tend to overdo it, but I'll try to find that balance in between.

Thanks again!

[–]Rudeyyyy0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You'll find it soon enough. Took me a few weeks and you're gonna start wondering how you should respond to certain things. But you'll get to a point where you know where you stand with people and they'll know when you're serious or laid back. That's when you find your balance. It's a process. I've been here for 2 months essentially and the amount of knowledge i've learned and how quickly i've sorted my life out is crazy, all from TRP.

I also advise reading. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Read that. Helped me balance out my nice guy mentality. You got any more questions you can message me. We're here with the same goals in mind essentially and to help one another.

[–]WolfofAnarchy0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

THANKS!!!

I heard about this Monk Mode on TRP where you basically focus on yourself for a couple of months and dont give a fuck about any female attention, and then afterwards you start clubbing and dating and surround yourself with women.

Maybe that would be good for me? I don't wanna care about female attention when focusing on myself but at the same time don't want isolation either.

Fuck, man. Thanks though, you're a fantastic help. Looking forward to your reply! :)

[–]Rudeyyyy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's kind of what I'm doing this summer essentially. I used to be an introvert, didn't lift on a daily, played video games, no job, just played sports and that was it. Nothing fulfilling in my life. Now I go to the gym on a regular basis, got some hobbies, built a good social circle, I go out more, I read instead of playing video games, i got a decent paying job while in college, cut back on the fapping, im changing the way I dress and I'm finally getting a tattoo that I've always wanted. Using these next 4 months to Better myself bc I now know what I don't like and I know what I have to do to fix it.

Before. I found TRP I was typical beta male. I met this HB9 in one of my college classes and I did all the beta things. Eventually I ask her out and she hits me with the I got a boyfriend response. I believed her. That same day I found TRP. Coincidence?

I can't undo what I've done and I'm sure I'm still a beta in her eyes but the only option I have if I wanna score this chick is to just revamp myself and come back next semester completely redone and pursue her again with more RP knowledge and hold frame etc.

I'm actually glad she shit tested me bc then I wouldn't have found TRP and I wouldn't have addressed my problems. Only chance is to ignore for now and come back and escalate later completely revamped. But remember we don't do this stuff for women. We do it for ourselves. Women should be desert and they know that. You put yourself and your goals first. Whether she wants to tag along for the ride is up to her but don't let her get in the way of your mission.

Also have an abundance mentality. What I said here about this one girl is my oneitis. Still is a bit ngl but I've branched out and have started gaming other women. The more women you get in touch with the less you'll give a shit about that one girl. That's why I said if she still says no when I get back all redone then onto the next because there's thousands of girls in college waiting to be pile driven.

Use this summer to address what you don't like about yourself whether it be hair, body type, social circle, wardrobe etc. and FIX IT. Then when you go back to school (assuming high school or college) people will look at you differently and you'll be more confident. Forget women rn. Focus on yourself. Pussy isn't that important. Your life and career is. When you lift and dress well you're automatically gonna get IOI's from women anyway. Then you add game to it and there you go. But you gotta put in the work.

This means not only lifting and changing but also reading and adapting. Read the sidebar, read NMMNG, and then apply them. Anyone can read and be done but you have to apply to get the effect. I have more books I think that would help overall. Lmk if you want them.

Do monk mode this summer and watch you'll come back in the fall a completely different person. You'll come back a man, not a boy.

[–]WolfofAnarchy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is honestly one of the greatest replies I've gotten in all my time on Reddit. I can't reply in depth as I'm omw to uni, but I'd love to stay in touch via PMs. Deal?

Thanks again, dude. Monk Mode it is. Been wanting to do it for the longest time. Now I will.

[–]Rudeyyyy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciate it. I've only been here for two months so I'm just giving you a snippet of what TRP has taught me.

Yeah man feel free to pm me anytime. Il be lurking around. You got any questions or need advice or need a book to read il see what I can do.

[–]Moreofmore0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Figure out what you want. Then pick whatever version gets that. You are better at some versions than others. You don't know who to be because there's no end goal to achieve. Pick something, even if it's small, and go get it.

[–]norcalguy5100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Different situations call for different versions. Of yourself.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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