At the age of 26 i was finished with college, hadn't started my career yet, nor had i given up any of the "habits" that i picked up during my college days. to put it bluntly i was drinking and smoking pot most days. but i felt okay about it at the time. hadn't had a reason to fully mature yet. one day in the middle of summer i was accused of rape, by someone who couldn't pick me out of a line up, and my DNA only matched a cigarette butt in an ash tray at this particular concert venue. Forensic results all showed it wasn't me, and maybe never even happened. in fact one of the forensic investigators stated, after reading the complaint that this sounds like a made up story. any ways i don't know what happened. i do what what i did that night and it wasn't rape. so i was arrested and put in custody before i knew what i just explained. i got a lawyer. i went to my bail hearing and was given a $250,000 bail, which i couldn't afford. my lawyer when i hired him told me "no client of mine will be found guilty, unless they are." that sure tone of his changed with in 2 months i had another hearing and the prosecuting attorney offered me a 256 month "deal", if i plead without going to trial. what blew my mind was how my attorney said "if you take this to trial your going to lose, a guy with out a solid alibi will be guilty the second the jury hears the charges"...... he said " they already have a bad taste in there mouths about you just by hearing the word rape" i refused to take the deal, 256 months in a life time. i went from drinking a couple red bull vodkas to sitting in jail and labeled rapist with out any wrong decisions being made, or choices even given. it was crazy. i sat alone in this cell they had me in, crying, puking, wandering how the heck something like this can happen, how life can turn so quickly.. 2 months or so went by and they offered me 165 months if i plead guilty. my lawyer told me this is the last deal, and if i don't take it we'll be going to trial. he said my odds are 50/50. but if found guilty i would get the 256 month term. i pleaded for a few days for the courts to accept a polygraph that i had taken, but it refused. if i sat for 256 months i wouldn't ever be free to see my parents again, id get released from prison approaching 50 years old, career chance dead, no retirement, no savings, no house payed off, etc. again this was crazy. so i took the deal 165 months in prison... yes i was pressured by the courts, threatened by the justice system, and i gave in. scared out of my mind. i received "good time" in prison, earned my masters degree, got a new bachelors, became certified in Natural Health Consulting, earned certifications in landscape design, and became a master gardener. this all got me out of there in 8 years 8 months and 8 days. i had to do sex offender treatment while i was in. that was another trip. i told them from the get go i'm not a sex offender. they said "no your not, your somebody who has committed a sex offense." i had to break it down for them. so they gave me a polygraph and it showed again i was being honest. we never really talked about me not doing what i was changed with again, at least not straight forward. instead i was told to use language like "i'm responsible for everything i DID do that day..." i quickly graduated from a program 2% graduate from. was made a tutor for the remainder of my sentence. crazy to say but those years i did back in the treatment wing taught me so much about the world. so fast forward to my release day. my picture was put in the news paper the day i was released. and it didn't say "Welcome Home". the day i looked forward to for so long was a whole new lesson in reality. people hate me, people call me names, old friends walk right by, last Friday the love of my life told me she can no longer be with me cause of the social pressure. she would basically lose her life if she stayed. and i understand. i tutored some of the most easily judged humans on the planet. most claimed they were innocent. i quit trying. earlier today i pondered the idea of suicide. i decided against it. although tomorrow is a new day, and each day so far since i have been out of prison has been just as hard as the one before. i know i will never be loved, understood, or chosen like i had in the past and came to accept as being part of this life. it is gone. i try to be okay telling myself life can happen alone, but in the back of my mind, my heart and my soul i know i cant.... i'm stuck.