Preventing accusations of rape for college age men. Need some views and honest opinions from any and all, but please specify if you identify as a college age male in your reply.

MirthfulManiac · 2017-09-05T03:54:34+00:00

Hi, I'm a college aged male, currently in college. I watched your video, though admittedly after the 2 minute mark, I wanted to rage quit. Let's be honest. You titled and themed your video "how do I protect myself from accusations of sexual assault". But what every slide of the video was geared towards was "how do I make sure I don't sexually assault someone". You need to be honest here. You did not make this video to protect young men from false rape claims. You made it to try to protect young women from young men. That's certainly ok. Though you might note that this is the 10,000th video on the subject, and no, I'm afraid there's no prize.

I was livid when I got the slide about "learning about consent" because of the sheer lack of morality that you have impuned on me. I know what consent is. I knew what consent was when I was 5 years old, and anyone in America with an IQ over 85 and a reasonably sound theory of morality understands consent. You directed this video at college aged males. You directed this video at me. Now please listen to me when I tell you: Stop being a condescending ass.

Stop trying to play mind games to try to convince men that they're somehow latent criminals! Imagine going up to someone and explaining to them that they'd better be careful and make sure they know what murder is, because murders are just regular people! Your mail man! Your garbage collector! Your best friend! No. Fuck off. I am repulsed by the very idea of raping someone to the degree that I can assure you I am physiologically incapable of it.

The part about alcohol was useful, but you failed to include the fact that, as a man, the law believes that you have a vastly superior cognitive ability than a woman, and so, if the both of you are drunk and have sex, you are accountable for your actions, and she is not. Yes, you heard that right! If she ties you down to a mattress, shoves a handful of viagra down your throat, and fucks you till you bleed you have just committed rape because of that martini you had 3 hours ago.

How you can look at a situation so monumentally fucked up as this, and think the world needs another video treating men like they're animals is beyond me.

armaadi · 2017-09-05T17:29:57+00:00

Don't be white, don't be male, got it. I'll just stop...doing both of those....

Kyle_Fischer · 2017-09-05T17:15:06+00:00

Dodo Bird Jordan,

I left my comments on the youtube comment section. You need to speed things up a bit on the video, I found myself wondering why so much time elapsed between slides. Were you giving the intended audience time for bathroom breaks?

Also, I agree with pinuspalustris. You are teaching men how not to rape, which ultimately should lead to less rape accusations, in theory. There are some good tips in here, but they are so dry that nobody will remember them. You need to add some humor and some vignette's to help your audience stay away from both true and false sex assault allegations.

Practice abstinence until marriage. In addition to minimize the chances you will be falsely accused, you won’t have to worry about STD’s or child support payments for 18 years. This is the best method of False Allegation Prevention or (“FAP”). There is nothing wrong with a little FAP. Rosey Palm doesn’t mind if you submerge her in beer to get her drunk and the Quartermaster isn’t surprised that all your socks are crunchy when they get your laundry bag.

Don’t have sex until you’ve known a woman for at least 3 months, and do NOT get married after knowing a woman for less than 6 months. Sticking your penis into crazy is like playing Russian Roulette. Yeah, crazy women are great in bed, and initially, she might seem like she loves to do the things you do. She very well might have a personality disorder, which can be contained for a few months, but the cray cray will start seeping out; otherwise, she will spontaneously combust. If a woman can make it 6 months with you without you seeing “The Stranger,” like the Billy Joel song, then she might be a keeper. But, if she is trying to get you to get rid of your dog after you tell her you love her, refers to your lifelong friends who warn you about her as “frenemies,” stops eating meat because she is a vegetarian and you should be too, dammit, and stops doing all the things she told you she loved to do with you, then she is a dumper. Try to figure a way to get her to dump you, so she doesn’t feel scorned.

Don’t be a Jody with a woman who is married, engaged, or dating another person. When her significant other finds out you have been doing the horizontal bop with her, he will confront her and she might falsely accuse you of rape. Also, panel members don’t like a Jody. If you do get convicted, they will absolutely crunch your nuts.

Don’t engage in a MMF (multiple male [one] female) group sex/Chinese Finger Cuff/C’mon Ride the Train situation. First of all, that’s a bit too “Top Gun,” if you know what I mean; multiple women are fine, but why would you want to look at another naked man? Second, I challenge anyone to find a woman who is willing to take more than one guy at once who has not been drinking to the point of incoherency. Third, I challenge you to find a tipsy woman who is willing to engage in such debauchery who does not feel dirty the next day and regret it. Fourth, I challenge you to find a sober woman who is willing to engage in such debauchery perfectly sober, and not suffer from the cray-cray or the clap. There are so many reasons why this leads to a false allegation, so the best protection is to avoid it.

Don’t allow yourself to engage in intercourse with a drunk woman, even if she is begging for it. Yeah, she might be capable of consenting, but why risk hoping that you are acquitted at your Court-martial? Instead, let her fall asleep in your arms and wait until the next morning when she is sober. If she doesn’t want to fool around the next morning, then she is a woman who likes having lots of sex, but doesn’t want to do it sober, so she goes out to get drunk and have sex. There is a good chance this harlot has the clap. Also, if she pukes, then that is the litmus test for whether she is too incapacitated to have sex with consent. Who wants to have sex with a sloppy, nasty, drunk woman who reeks of vomit? The jury will think it's the guy who is desperate and knows she will say "No" when she sobers up. Trust me. I never got an acquittal for my client where the vic puked in front of the accused, and I never lost a case for the United States where the vic puked in front of the accused.

Don’t allow a woman to have sex with you on the first date, and absolutely do not have sex with a woman who you took home from a bar. These women have Daddy issues and are likely to suffer from the cray-cray.

If your sexual relationship is new, start sexual contact from her lips (the ones on her face) and work your way down. So, many cases I read about could have been avoided if the man knew how to make love to a woman. If you have never kissed a woman, then the first move you make should not be to stick your finger in her vagina…..particularly while she is sleeping. Exercise the baseball diamond rule: 1st base kissing, 2nd base boobies, 3d base oral, and home plate is intercourse. Mickey Mantle hit a lot of home runs, but did he still have to run the bases? Yes. He didn’t get to step on home plate without going to 1st, 2nd, and 3d base. It certainly would save time if you could just touch home plate, but that’s not the way it works in baseball and that is not the way it works in love. Make sure you tag each base in order. If you are taking too long getting there, she will tell you to speed up. Let her be your base coach. Never argue with your base coach about stopping. If she tells you to hold at second, don’t even think about going to third. Stay at second. If she changes her mind and waves you to go to third, then tell her it would be nice if she went to third on you. Also, it is wise to pause and look to see if the outfielder has the ball before advancing to the next base. You will know you have the green light because most likely your base coach will screaming, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you stopping????”

Make sure she is 18. The UCMJ makes 16 legal, but it still isn’t moral. Plus, if she sexts you, then you have child porn on your phone. Not cool. If you are not sure of her age, take her to a restaurant and order her a glass of wine. The server will check her ID. If you are under 21, as well, and into girls 18-21, have an attorney run a background check on her to find out her birth date. I’ve found the, “Hey look at my license picture” to be a bit cliché when trying to find out a woman’s age.

Don’t date women who tell you about all the previous boyfriends/husbands who abused them. It’s simply just easier to exclude these women because it has to be one of two things, neither of which is good. Either (1) she is lying, which means when you two break up (and you will because she most likely has a borderline personality disorder), she will lie to her next boyfriend about you. You never know. She might get a boyfriend who wants to defend her honor, so he confronts you; or (2) she is not lying and every man she dates beats the crap out of her. Makes you wonder what she does to make them want to hit her. She’s probably annoying as crap.

If a woman says “stop/no/I don’t think we should be doing this” or any other derivation of these themes, then stop immediately. She either has a very good reason, or she does not want to appear to easy. If she has a good reason, then you will either get your nutsack ripped off or accused of rape if you continue. If it’s because she doesn’t want to appear easy and she is giving you a coy “Nooo,” then you stopping will absolutely eat her up inside. She will wonder what is wrong with her. Do you think she is not attractive? This will make her try harder and give you clearer signals.

If she has placed you in the Friend Zone, then stay in the Friend Zone. Women are like cats. You know why they don’t have cat leashes? Because you can’t make them do something they don’t want to do. If they like you, then they will let you know. If you are in their friend zone, then the only way you are going to get out of the friend zone is for them to lead you out. Don’t try to lead your way out of the friend zone because you are liable to step on it. Plus, she might not say no because she is afraid of hurting your feelings, which doesn’t mean she consented to those who believe you need affirmative consent. If you attempt to get out of the friend zone, then you really have to tread lightly and obtain affirmative consent. If you attempt to get out of the friend zone, then be prepared to be in a long term relationship. If you venture out of the friend zone for a booty call, then remember that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Don’t date a woman you have to save from her social circumstances. Find a strong woman who is the same rank or social status as you are. If you are going to date a stripper, bartender, or waitress with a 6 month old, so you can get her out of that lifestyle or situation she has put herself in, then be prepared to buckle up for the rollercoaster your life will become. Women who constantly need saving have a victim mentality who will likely falsely accuse you of sexual assault due to cognitive dissonance. She has a lot to lose when you walk away because you are tired of her nonsense which explains a lot about her status in life, so she will threaten the crap out of you to keep you from abandoning her. Find a woman who makes you out punt your coverage. Gird your loins and be selective with whom you share your love life with.

JordanDodoBird · 2017-09-07T20:02:02+00:00

Thank you for letting me into your space, and giving me real, actual, thoughtful feedback. And for not immediately booting me.

A few things to address comments and questions several of you had: It was an assignment, so I am not an expert, if that was not already obvious. Your (much appreciated) feedback was part of the assignment. Thank you for sticking with it, even though I apparently really messed up the timing of the video. If I ever add to this presentation or find myself professionally involved in this type of work, I will take your feedback with me moving forward.

The 'risk factors' (my words, these are statistics of perpetrators) come from the CDC, RAINN, Georgetown Law, the National Institute of Justice, among others, and 'white male' is specifically mentioned, which is why it was included (and not ‘black male’ which is not a majority statistic).

A few points you all made: 1. Why shouldn’t women be expected to protect themselves, why is that so insulting? 2. Young men are tired of being compared to animals unable to control their urges. I would never rape someone (a valid comment). 3. What about men who are also drunk, why should they be considered able to consent?

Some feminists/groups do become outraged by campaigns urging young college age women to take measures to protect themselves, while for a long time, there were no campaigns giving men the same advice to avoid offending. This, I don’t think, is true anymore, but I am not a college age male, so I don’t know what kind of visible campaigns are out there these days that are targeted at young men as potential offenders. Personally, I don’t think it is unreasonable to teach women that they should protect themselves in the short term, but the long term goal is to end sexual assault. A discussion on why this is (the ‘reputations’ women get in college for being sexually active, slut-shaming, rape culture, toxic masculinity that hurts both sexes, etc) could fill several books.
This project (my paper has way more info than the short presentation you viewed, and I am sorry for its shortcomings) was based on a theory, intertwined with some concepts (rape culture, toxic masculinity). The theory I had (more on that later), was partly based on something I thought of a long time ago, after an assault on a young woman by 5 young men, in my hometown. Very long story short, the 6 of them got drunk, things happened, the 5 were accused. To my knowledge, none were convicted, I think the charges were dropped. There were several things that made this an assault and not just 6 drunk people getting freaky, or a woman having second thoughts after having consensual sex. The woman ran outside screaming after the assault, which was heard by neighbors, and was admitted to by the men. The woman was on a bed, claims she blacked out and woke up to the men surrounding her, standing, which the men admitted (not the blacking out part). She also said once she came to, she told them to stop and they didn’t for several minutes. Who knows the truth, sexual assault is a difficult crime to prove. Part of what makes someone “unable to consent” is incapacitation (yes, there are other factors in being drunk besides incapacitation). We don’t know if the woman was, but the men were standing the entire time, not incapacitated. Another case, which you may have heard, is the assault that took place on the Bachelor In Paradise. I had similar thoughts to what you probably had, the man and woman involved were both drunk, at what point is it assault? Just because the woman was drunk and legally can’t give consent? What about the man? He was drunk, too. I was upset with you. The ‘whistleblower’ said several producers watched an assault take place. But with that information, it does not sound like an assault took place. Until this person leaked more information. This person said that there is footage, of the two people in a hot tub, and at some point the woman becomes limp. This is the assault, the assault that no one stopped, by the way. The woman becomes limp, clearly unconscious, and the man picks her up, repositions her, and proceeds to continue with the previously consensual sexual activity, who knows for how long, I don’t think that was part of the leak. That is when it became assault. If she became limp and he finally noticed and stopped, he would have a defense. Unfortunately for them both, he continued after repositioning her because she could not reposition herself, no matter how drunk he was.
Well, part of the previous comment addresses men who are also drunk, maybe too drunk to consent. There is no doubt that there are instances of two consenting people having relations, while intoxicated, with questions about what exactly happened the next day, or outright false accusations. My presentation, paper, and thoughts that led to my proposed theory only address actual campus sexual assault, not false accusations, or cases when men are also too drunk to consent (though can be applied to all three). I would hope that a drunk man tied up by a sober woman would be able to receive justice, would a man even report? Men hiding assaults, domestic violence, etc, is another issue that could fill books, and has. The public discourse may make it seem like women are reporting assaults and expecting justice (god forbid), but these campaigns are to encourage reporting because it an issue, and to fight for justice because in many cases, there is none. Being vocal is not the same as getting what you want (in this case, an end to sexual assault, a safe space (sorry) to report, and justice). Yes, men should have the same, no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. Not being an expert, I don’t really know much about how the law treats men who are too drunk to consent. Again, it may seem like the law comes for men who get drunk and have relations, but the reality is that most cases of real SA go unreported, and those that are reported rarely see justice. That is not to diminish the experience of a man falsely accused who ends up having to defend himself.

(Disclaimer, I don’t whole-heartedly believe what proceeds here, I only propose a theory, or another way of viewing college campus SA perpetration…) So, why did I do this? I have varying conflicting opinions within my own head, on many things. On the one hand, I do believe that anyone who commits any kind of sexual assault (not just the dragged-into-an-alley kind) is a piece of garbage, who always was garbage, and always will be. It seems some of you may feel the same way. But, after sitting through the Brock Turner case and others like it, hearing of the many people who came to his defense (he could never do that! Oh, but he did), made me think, was he really a good kid? Were the kids who committed the assault in my neighborhood good kids (I was conflicted at the time)? Were Brock Turner, and these guys, always garbage, would they always be garbage? I decided to take the approach, not that all men are animals, but that maybe good people really can do horrible things. Maybe outright sexual assault like what the Bachelor did, or cases of coercion or ‘taking advantage’, or other cases where opinions (of people like us) would differ on what occurred, when alcohol is involved, is like any other crappy drunken behavior. I meant it, when I wondered if Brock Turner (or the many college age men who find themselves in his position) ever thought ‘I am totally capable of sexual assault’ or ‘I would never do something like that’. I assume he would never have thought that he’d do something like that, then did it anyway, and even after the incident, has feelings of remorse and ‘Why did I do that?!’

A drunk driver, a nice guy who doesn’t usually go out and drink, parties with friends he hasn’t seen in a while, and proceeds to kill a family of four after. The crime is done. Sentence accordingly. But… was he a good person before this? Did he ever think, ‘I would totally drive drunk and kill people’. Probably not. Yes, there are repeat offenders who suck at life, just like there are actual sexual predators. But is everyone who drives drunk a horrible person before and after? Is everyone who commits campus SA a horrible person before and after? So, I did not want to continue with the idea that all men are animals, only that all men are human. I realize my presentation did not come across that way, sorry! Like the drunk driver, a case like Broch Turner’s, once the crime is done, should be punished accordingly (Brock Turner was NOT punished accordingly). Just like the drunk driver, the Bachelor was super drunk but being drunk is not an excuse. But what about before the assault takes place, the years, the minutes, before?

Part of me thinks that Brock Turner and the Bachelor, as their sober selves, are probably not rapists (though the label will never go away).

The tips were, admittedly, meant to be sarcastic (women are told this stuff all the time, you guys), but also serious. You watch out for your friends, take their keys, tell them maybe one more drink is not a good idea. Why not stop an assault before it reaches that point (I am sure this has already been the case countless times). Women are told to abstain from drinking, have a sober friend, avoid college parties in the first place. But college would be boring without drunken parties, free of assaults and slut-shaming. The tips are meant for men to take similar precautions, which should not be offensive, just like expecting women to protect themselves shouldn’t be, either. The presentation was ‘how to avoid accusations’ (by not assaulting) but also could be useful to avoid false accusations. Men should protect themselves from women who would falsely accuse (don’t drink around women you don’t know, have a sober friend!), just like women should protect themselves from men who would assault. In a perfect world, neither would occur. (Continued...)

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