Why do men wait until crisis point before asking for help? One of the reasons: The way men are taught, through childhood, to be manly

Imnotmrabut · 2017-07-21T13:07:03+00:00

I hate this "Men Don't Ask For Help" meme - it's Total Bollox.

I've been dealing with help for 30+ years. Men are not bad at asking for help - Society is Institutionally Deaf to men asking for help. The need for help is only acknowledged institutionally when it has reached Crisis Point.

Don't Blame Men For Institutional Sexism and Crap behaviour towards men.

EsraYmssik · 2017-07-21T13:20:55+00:00

One of the reasons: The way men are taught,

~~through childhood, to be manly~~

throughout their lives that nobody gives a shit about their problems

FTFY

2017-07-21T14:13:32+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13h2db/why_men_dont_express_sadness_or_go_to_the_doctor/

I often hear women admonish men for not seeking help or crying, in fact I just heard it today and it bothers me because they don't seem to understand why. Like, they think we hold back for kicks or something. They grew up in a world where they are used to things being resolved by them crying or talking to others about their problems. Well that kind of thing was always negatively reinforced from the time I was a boy and still today. If I were to play some word association it would go like this: man crying - man up, sad man - get over it, sensitive man - faggot, etc.

I think they only want men to express themselves after it's gotten out of hand and it's starting to affect them, i.e. now he's not behaving how she wants. Most of the time, they don't really respect it.

This, exactly. Most women who say men should be more emotionally open (or criticize or mock men for failing to be) seem to be operating under the assumption that certain female privileges are actually universal. It's like a rich kid who doesn't understand why poor people in a crime-ridden slum don't just move somewhere nice.

https://ozconservative.blogspot.com/2016/10/musings-on-women-and-resilience.html

This led me to the thought that there are women who don't really understand the strengths that men need to cultivate to do well in the world. But why wouldn't they understand this?

The political answer might be that women have been raised, first, to think in gender neutral terms and so might assume that the lives of men and women are the same. They have also been raised to think that men are a privileged oppressor class, who, presumably, are thought to have it easier than women and so are less in need of resilience.

But I'm not sure that the political answer is really the decisive one. The thought occurred to me that a woman can grow up with the expectation that she will be looked after and cared for in her adult life. Not all women might take this option, but it is there. If needs be, she might find a man who will seek to protect her and keep her from excessive difficulties and hardships in life.

Adult men don't have this option and so don't even think about it. It is not usually on a man's horizon. For us, it is a competition to prove ourselves. So perhaps that goes some way to explaining why a woman might not be focused on developing resilience in boys - she might assume that men have the same support options as women do. (Or maybe it just has something to do with the maternal instinct being different from the paternal one.)

BetterBadIdeas · 2017-07-21T15:49:11+00:00

Men stop asking for help after about the millionth time they get nothing but mockery for it. Men are taught by experience that the only negative emotion they're allowed is anger.

HiredMind · 2017-07-21T17:17:58+00:00

Can I just express the converse view for a moment?

Frankly I wish women would STFU about their fucking problems for two minutes. I'm really starting to not care.

Morgsz · 2017-07-21T19:26:33+00:00

Men can and do ask for help. They get nods and lip service.

No real support of the issues affecting them, no support infrastructure like exists for women, and no resources available.

At best they get someone to listen. If i was depressed i don't know if i would ask for help. Would it change anything, would i get support? Or would it just harm peoples perception of me.

So i get it, I wish there was more, but their isn't.

disgruntled_lawyer · 2017-07-21T15:31:08+00:00

To be a man is to be self-sufficient. One asks for help only after exhausting all other options.

thrway_1000 · 2017-07-21T21:38:29+00:00

https://archive.is/bQrFJ

Title	Why do men wait until crisis point before asking for help? One of the reasons: The way men are taught, through childhood, to be manly
Author	furchfur
Upvotes	20
Comments	9
Date	July 21, 2017 1:02 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/6onrbx/why_do_men_wait_until_crisis_point_before_asking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-do-men-wait-until-crisis-point-before-asking.917502 https://theredarchive.com/post/917502

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