Hey all. I know this is long, so if you don't want to read fair enough, but if that's the case I'd appreciate it if you just read the last two paragraphs as I have a request for a source.

So I got a partner who is a feminist. Considering my problems with feminism and how it prohibits the rights of men (which will be detailed later) I probably shouldn't have avoided a conversation about it for 6 months but there we are.

But I've been lucky. She's someone who can actually change her views somewhat! She now accepts that perhaps she assumes that all problems stem from "the patriarchy" and then tries to reason that in. She accepts that there needs to be a men's rights movement. Unfortunately, she refuses to let go that women are inherently more disadvantaged (the other day, she said "do men have to fear walking down the street at night?!" Uh yes...) and after many debates still thinks that the wage gap is an accurate pointer to the disadvantage she suffers (apparently the fact that childless women are paid 8% more than men is irrelevant and the fact that women are given the choice to childcare or be a professional while men are forced to only take a professional path is apparently a disadvantage for women). But to be honest, I'm glad she hasn't completely changed her views too easily because I'm enjoying the debate :)

So last night I met some of her friends. Apparently, news had spread that I refuse to call myself a feminist. 4 people got together and shouted at me, one person asked why I hated women, my points were consistently completely ignored. The other male there made a weird point. The conversation went:

Him: "Do you like the star wars movies?"

Me: "yes..."

"What about the books?"

"Never read them."

"So what you're saying is that you label yourself a star wars fan despite the fact that you don't mesh with the entire franchise?"

I got the point he was trying to make: I should label myself feminist even though I don't agree with 100% of the movement. I tried to respond:

"Well even if I did say that, whether or not I label myself as a liker of a particular franchise is simply not on the same level as condoning a political movement"

But was shouted down with "OOOH" coming from four other people. I then in return asked why they weren't MRAs, if that argument applies, to which they responded that they don't agree with the bashing MRA they've seen on the Internet. I started talking about charities and things but was unfortunately cut off before I got to point out their glaring hypocrisy. It's hard not to get cut off when you have four people shouting at you.

That night really made me rethink my position. It didn't change, but I wanted to be ready for the next argument.

I am not a feminist because:

  • The movement misuses statistics grossly, completely ignoring those which do not support its ideology. Example: how many feminists know that childless women out earn their male counterparts by 8%? But I'm sure they all know the .77 figure, and then proceed to claim it shows women get paid 77% of a man for the same work.

  • The movement openly ignores men's issues by blaming the patriarchy for them. "Men are seen as disposable? That's patriarchy." "Men are seen as inadequate caregivers so by law aren't entitled to as many paternal benefits? Well, this leads to men working more and getting paid more, so don't you see how this is obviously patriarchy?!" "Women are given lighter sentences because the patriarchy views them as weak"...and the list goes on. Ultimately, feminism says that men's problems can be ignored because the cause of those problems is their inherent privilege, so we should be focusing on helping women because somehow this will magically make the world better for men too.

  • Feminism breeds hypocrisy. I can't count how many times people have said "internet feminism does not represent real feminism" while simultaneously deriding MRAs as "a bunch of women haters who don't actually care about men's rights"

The main point is the second one. Ultimately, feminism doesn't just ignore men's issues but actively puts them down, basically blaming men for their own issues and saying that in order for us to get our equality we need to completely ignore our own issues and fight for women.

This is the reason we bash feminism. It actively prohibits our movement, and breeds the idea that men are always privileged in all circumstances, so their needs must be ignored.

Imagine if I dared to speak up about the fact that in my field (physics), a female has a 2:1 better odds on average of being accepted for a PhD role, and the statistics only get worse in higher academic roles. My career would be ruined, thanks to feminism.

I could go on and on about the ways in which men are disadvantaged, and why I believe that they are disadvantaged far more than women, but I'm sure you're all well aware of those so I'll stop the bulk of my post there.

Lastly, I want to ask for something. Listing all of the ways in which men are disadvantaged is simply not enough to change minds. Feminists believe that women have more problems, and even if they don't then their problems are more important, and even if they aren't then men's problems are due to the patriarchy and their privilege anyway. So I'd like to ask for a source. If someone can point me to a well written article or video in which someone explains why they aren't a feminist without just listing men's problems, I'd be much obliged.

If this doesn't exist, I'd like to get together and make a website which is specifically anti-feminism. People always complain that MRAs just put down feminism, and I think that's okay because feminism puts a lot of effort in to minimalising men's issues and inhibiting the movement. I'd like to create a source which coherently explains that, while also promoting the issues faced by men.

Edit: I'm starting to like this idea for a website. Perhaps it would contain a list of issues faced by men (eg. "Men in STEM"). Clicking on one would take you to a page offering further links. "How are men disadvantaged?" (Women only scholarships etc.), "Is this the patriarchy in action? Or just a symptom of male privilege?" (No and why), "How does feminism actively suppress this problem and make it worse?" (By breeding the idea that women need even more bias because the fact that more men choose to pick it obviously means that the field favours men right?)

Edit 2: or perhaps not anti-feminism, but a site which promotes the idea that feminism needs a reform.