TLDR: Suspect I'm being set up as the BB for a (typical) AFBB chick nearing the wall by her own admission. Bad news: on the wrong side of that equation. Good news: I see it for what it is now and can act accordingly.

As much as reality sucks sometimes, one of the lessons I've learned here is that being able to stand up and face the painful reality of a situation is infinitely better than deluding yourself into believing something it's not.

Case in point, I just got back from a lovely week abroad and asked the woman across the street who had been looking after my place for me to dinner at mine. The food was a gift and she brought the extras like booze and sides. As long as it doesn't cost me anything but time, I'm always up for entertaining. Dinner goes great, and during, I find out she’s got a fuck buddy who I met at a previous mixer at hers. Even better, she hints he’s boring because he’s older by almost a decade than her and he’s set in his ways and she needs some excitement.

After dinner and lots of drinks she gets it into her head to go skating. She can’t skate too well, and I can skate really well, so many laughs are had at her expense, it’s a chance to show off and also get some physical contact holding her up/guiding her. No chance for a makeout occurred – the signals just weren’t there. On the walk back to our place I invited her back to mine for dessert. She kept asking what it was before deciding and my answer was always, “you have to come over to find out.” Instead she decides to tap out and go home. I got an, “I had a really nice time tonight. No, I mean it.” I grin, shrug, wish her a good night, and go my own way.

If I needed a stronger signal that I blew it (or may never have had a chance to begin with) that was it. Actions speak louder, and had she wanted to spend more time with me she would have. Or she would have invited me back to hers. During the evening, she didn’t do much initiation of contact, but when I did, she didn’t freeze up or anything, which I took as a good sign. But she didn’t make it easy, choosing to sit on the ottoman instead of the sofa, keeping her distance, that sort of thing. On the positive, she was laughing and giggling all night long, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t enjoy myself too, despite the lack of overt signals.

Here’s where the reality check comes into play. My beta hamster can rationalize that maybe I’ve laid the groundwork to actually move things forward with this broad the next time. She clearly enjoyed herself and had fun, which is like 50% of the battle right there. Thanks to TRP, I realize 5his scenario is incredibly, incredibly unlikely, and a pipe dream at best. If I ever had a chance, this night would have been it, and I definitely blew it.

The far, far, far more likely scenario is I get set up as the guy to do all the date-y stuff with while she gets fucked by Mr. Fuck Buddy. She gets to enjoy the best of both worlds, and no secret who really gets fucked in this arrangement. This is an especially likely scenario since she brought up, completely without prompting, how she’s starting to get older, feeling pressure from peers to start dating, etc etc.

Old me would have completely bought into the first delusion. New, experienced, me sees the first scenario as the delusion it is, and acknowledges the reality of the AFBB strategy. I don’t blame her for following her nature, and now that I’m educated, I can see this for what it is. The painful reality I have to face is that despite some promising signals, as hot as she is, she’s not interested in me romantically. I got played by a pro to provide her with what she wanted without getting anything for myself.

The victory here, if you can call it that, is that I realize the truth of this and the only choice I have is to next her and invest my time and effort in finding a woman who actually IS interested. I'd rather face painful reality with both eyes open, than comfortable delusion with both closed.