Ashamed of my body.

Imnotmrabut · 2016-10-12T10:28:08+00:00

Oh my - Body Dysmorphia is not so much a diagnostic label as a melting pot bubbling and still not cooked. Why - How - When - can it be stopped cured, all answers that have no high quality or definitive answers.

What you describe is more common than you think. It sounds like an extreme nudity/modesty taboo inculcated in childhood. This is usually a pattern of conduct related to abusive caregivers - most frequently mother or other significant female thinking she's being wise ... and not Neurotic... and linked to bath times. Kids are forced to accept the incorrect ideas forced upon them and then integrate that into the wider world and how it unfolds.

Kid told that they must always cover up their body - kid goes to school where other boys take of shirts and have no inculcated modesty taboo - kid reconciles the differences by blaming themselves and comes to believe it's their body that is the issue and the need for modesty .... they have some form of deformity that others do not have. There can be discrete steps, but the time frame is often longer than people believe possible, often running into years.

I was raised to have Catholic Body issues and Sex, Sexuality and Nudity Taboos. It took me until I was 20 before I managed to shake much of it off - a great step for me was my first time on a Naturist/Nudist beach which left me with a sense of exhilaration and freedom. Even now, if I get the opportunity to strip nude in public I have to deal with the residual programing and guilt, and then just revel in the freedom of not giving a Flying F### In Hades!

You often find in catholic queers of a certain age that they actually did not realise they owned their own bodies until they were in their mid 20's. This has been linked back to certain catholic dogmas being prcahed at good catholic mothers back in the 50's and 60's which then manifested as weird nudity and body taboos laced with homophobia. Cue the 1970's -90's and you have generation of Neurotic Catholocised Gay Men who believe their mother still owns their body! Some have never been able to get past that indoctrination whilst others have been able to shake it off - and others are all across a spectrum from one ebd to another.

I'm intrigued that you mention masturbation as Abuse of child/juvenile sexuality linked to Body shaming can have very serious consequences which may take decades to appear. From kids sent to bed in boxing gloves, to having bedroom doors removed to stop masturbation and sexual exploration ... I've seen it all. The most frequent abusers in this are mothers/female caregivers. Body shaming by fathers is far less often but can be equally significant.

I'm not surprised that you are Toned and Ripped now, as this can often be used an overcompensation reaction for previous shaming and social abuse.

It's not often that you will hear me say this, but the levels of distress you identify are significant and you may benefit from a professional assessment of what you are experiencing. That does not mean years of therapy and electrodes attached to your 7~*$£, just that it may help you with a perspective which Reddit is not a good place to find. Many folks being reassured by a Professional that they are not nuts, just a little damaged can be very powerful and reassuring.

In the UK one TV celebrity has been speaking out about his own Body Dysmorphia - which has surprised many given that he's a Ripped muscle god, 6 foot 4 inch super hunk, doctor and queer celebrity. Look Him Up "Dr Christian Jessen" and see if anything chimes with you. Often not being alone is the greatest liberator.

robochicken11 · 2016-10-11T23:50:53+00:00

Don't know if this is the best subreddit for your issue, though I'm not sure where would be better.

AloysiusC · 2016-10-12T09:55:59+00:00

Well what is it you don't like about yourself? I mean, if you had a choice to look exactly the way you want, what would be different?

If you had this before the age of 5, then that does seem extreme. Perhaps you had some nasty experience early on in life. But this is just conjecture.

2016-10-12T22:18:27+00:00

As a male (boy or man and especially adolescent) you do not, by default, have any value to society. Others will only come to value you when you put effort into yourself and deliver results from your efforts.

'You are perfect just the way you are' only applies to women. Your mom may have inculcated this idea in you because it never occurs to most women that life is different (harder) for men.

And it's bullshit for them, too. They are perfect just the way they are, so long as they are slim and under 30. After that, nobody gives a shit about them either. And they never develop habits of self improvement.

If you don't like the way you are, change it. If you don't think you are good enough, be better.

Sometimes this sucks. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. but I'll take it over the alternative every time, because everything I am can be better.

Check out /r/theRedPill sidebar.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-10-12T02:28:18+00:00

Regarding the edit, what you are asking is somewhat beyond reddit's capabilities. Only you and a competent psychologist can get to the heart of the problem.

Johnny-vegas_ · 2016-10-11T22:02:26+00:00

You need to stop being a dork and go to the gym. If your father me toning your arms being thin gives you body issues rather then incentive to work out, then you probably suffer from dysmorphia.

Who in the hell looks at themself while they jerk off?

It's nothing gym, protein shakes and steroids won't fix. Get off ur ass and do something g about it rather than moan that you don't have body confidence. That's something girls do because men only care about women's bodies.

It's not difficult, just do it, I know I did.

Respect4women · 2016-10-12T09:11:17+00:00

Honestly, your question is just as stupid as when women moan on about body image. If your ashamed of your naked body it means ur ultra shy. Get over it or live with it. Dysmorphia is a dissatisfaction with your body. Shame is what we all go through. Some very ashamed of their naked self, some not shamed at all. Your just one of the ones that are very ashamed. Live with it or get over it, but don't bore people with it as we all have our own issues.

Ashamed of my body.

Comments

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Title	Ashamed of my body.
Author	yoyo2016
Upvotes	4
Comments	54
Date	October 11, 2016 9:45 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/570ln8/ashamed_of_my_body/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ashamed-of-my-body.939994 https://theredarchive.com/post/939994