What abusive thing did your partner/family say to adult you or a mate?

sillymod · 2016-08-11T13:54:27+00:00

A little known type of psychological abuse is catastrophizing.

One of my past partners used to catastrophize over everything. Everything was so bad, so horrible, even minutia that all people normally deal with. And it was really just an attempt to kick the innate "white knight" aspect of men into over drive. She was used to getting men to do what she wanted, and that was how she did it.

DancesWithPugs · 2016-08-11T18:06:05+00:00

Here's one. My soon to be ex-wife liked to fly off the handle, with yelling, criticisms, accusations, etc. I would do my best to calmly respond and explain myself, or try to set a boundary. Her response? "I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE" followed by the silent treatment.

Early in our relationship she wanted to hit me on the shoulder. I told her no, I have been hit by both of my previous girlfriends, and I was done with that. She insisted. I asked her how it would feel if I hit her back. She was horrified, not with herself, but with me.

kaykayton99 · 2016-08-12T17:48:04+00:00

This is extremely long so to make things easier I've extracted the quotes out of it and copied them between the linebreaks below. If you want the context ctrl F the quotes.

"kneel down and say you're a bad boyfriend. If you don't do it by the time I count to three I'll flush your keys down the toilet".

One time she pinned him against the wall repeatedly kneeing him in the testicles shouting "if you fight back I'm calling the police and telling them you attacked me".

"(boyfriend's name), tell them to fuck off, punch him in the face, be a man for once".

"are you a faggot? are you a faggot? Why don't you fuck me faggot".

I used to live with a girl a few years ago in a small apartment. We didn't know each other or really have any interest in each other, in fact I kind of disliked her from the beginning but rent was insanely cheap and I was completely broke so I stuck it out for a bit.

I found out later that she had invited me to move in to make her boyfriend jealous because he said he wasn't ready to live with her. She used to have him over. He was a really meek guy. Overweight, wouldn't look you in the eye. Really nice dude. His older brother was a footy star and a hero to his parents, but this guy (the boyfriend) played jazz guitar which his parents despised. I remember him telling me about his dad leaving his instruments outside in the rain out of a kind of spite for pursuing something non-sporting. The point is, this kid was used to being undervalued and disrespected.

Most couples argue and that's normal but these arguments were insanely violent and completely one sided. The walls were thin so I heard everything, and she said practically everything you could imagine. One time I heard her say "kneel down and say you're a bad boyfriend. If you don't do it by the time I count to three I'll flush your keys down the toilet".

One time she crushed his glasses when he tried to run away from her attacking him.

One time she pinned him against the wall repeatedly kneeing him in the testicles shouting "if you fight back I'm calling the police and telling them you attacked me". He was shouting out for me to help him and I came out in my pajamas, but I had no idea what to do because I knew she would call the police on me too (she actually did once, I can't even remember her reasoning, I think she lost something and thought I had stolen it).

Anyway he tried to run away and she lept into the drivers seat and started honking the horn. There was an elderly couple living in the adjacent flat. The the man had a heart condition which they had mentioned to us before, so one could understand why the came out to complain given that it was three in the morning.

She stopped honking the horn and said "(boyfriend), tell them to fuck off, punch him in the face, be a man for once". This guy was in his 80s and had a heart condition, it was unbelievable.

I'm trying to remember what else. She'd call him fat, a loser, yell at him for not having sex when she wanted, but those stories are the one's that really stand out. It was all completely regular and he just resigned himself to it. Not surprisingly she was an active feminist and tutored sociology.

In my own personal experience I've had Ex girlfriends threaten to frame me for sexual assault, throw things at my face and tell me things like "It's your fault that your mum committed suicide". But to be fair, she and I both said terrible things to each other :/

Another thing that comes to mind is my best friend who was prescribed sleeping meds for an anxiety disorder went to bed after hanging out with two of his friends.

One of the friends lived with him and went to bed, then as the other was leaving, she stopped by his room. She saw he was asleep and got on top of him. He started struggling and she said "are you a faggot? are you a faggot? Why don't you fuck me faggot". He was literally shouting "no get off (name), I don't want to, get off" and literally had to fight free. I don't know if any of you have ever had Xanax, but it's extremely hard to fight anyone off under it's effect. This was the second time this had happened to him. Again, this woman was an outspoken feminist, often sharing articles about sexual assault on facebook.

I've had a girl do this to me as well but I've gone on far too long. If anyone got to the bottom thanks for reading. I haven't thought about any of this in a while and I got completely carried away.

I have more stories if anyone is interested.

Title	What abusive thing did your partner/family say to adult you or a mate?
Author	ACapitalMan
Upvotes	7
Comments	11
Date	August 11, 2016 6:45 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4x6qiv/what_abusive_thing_did_your_partnerfamily_say_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-abusive-thing-did-your-partnerfamily-say-to.943927 https://theredarchive.com/post/943927

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