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Single, dating and paying a very high price for it. The norm in these higher-end dating arrangements: the male pays. Dating sites where you pay upfront seem like a bit of a con to me.

[deleted]

March 14, 2016
13 upvotes
/r/MensRights
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/8f1ea67a-e168-11e5-8d9b-e88a2a889797.html#axzz42tQxHpRl
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Title Single, dating and paying a very high price for it. The norm in these higher-end dating arrangements: the male pays. Dating sites where you pay upfront seem like a bit of a con to me.
Author

[deleted]

Upvotes 13
Comments 19
Date March 14, 2016 4:02 PM UTC
(10 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4adofz/single_dating_and_paying_a_very_high_price_for_it/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/single-dating-and-paying-a-very-high-price-for-it.954034
https://theredarchive.com/post/954034

Comments

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

The reason I posted it was to try and help men avoid wasting their money and disappointment on what seems to me like a honey trap! I love females and I hate a world where the genders seem at war. I want equality in treatment for both genders.

As the journalist states in the article, speed dating gives a much better return on meeting perspective partners than paying £6000 for 12 intros.

[–]xNOM 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I understand that matchmaking is a thing, but it's kind of sad that this kind of man (financially independent ex banker with a house in london) doesn't realize how "in the driver's seat" he is. This kind of man has the equivalent dating market value of a 21 year old model. I mean he's a pro dealmaker and tried to get stuff in writing and all, but the agencies should be charging the women, not him.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

That's true. Although he more likely to find a valuable and lasting partner by appearing poor, at least then any relationship is built on love respect and trust rather than a financial transaction.

[–]xNOM 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You're right, I guess the equivalent would be to look for a wife based on looks alone.

[–]chavelah 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Interesting point. I am, as you know, a female. I am a very respectable female and a good mate, but if I'm being honest, I think I was selected 90% for my looks and my IQ, because the very young person who selected me was thinking mostly with his dick and somewhat with a view towards the potential success of his offspring. I'm not saying it's an ideal model - but damn if we aren't happy twenty years later.

[–]xNOM 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I think there's some luck involved.

[–]chavelah 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Or, you know, three times as much, which is what the really fancy agency charged one of the women he went out with.

The theory behind matchmaking agencies is sound. It really is worth money to meet people who share your goal of settling down and having a family. But the industry attracts so many con artists...

[–]mochacola 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

Dating issues are not men's rights issues. Unless there are legal laws enforcing dates to progress certain way.

[–]King_Turnip 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I disagree. This article is about the exploitation of men through the cultural expectations of their gender role. It's a low-grade issue, certainly, but it is at least in the right ballpark.

[–]mochacola 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, we can deny that gender role by not playing it. But we are not going to get arrested for not meeting those expectations. In other aspects of life, that won't be true. And that's where real issues come in.

[–]bcyost 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

that's like saying racism isn't an issue...

[–]mochacola 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Gynocentrism not being seen is an issue. But no one is going to arrest you like what they did to Rosa Parks for not doing what the society expects. So, locking dads up in prison over child support payments would be an issue, locking men up simply based on accusations of women's say so, would be an issue, men getting fired because some woman overheard a joke which she then broadcast on social media, would be an issue, and so on. There is no legal punishment for men refusing to act like what's expected of men in dating, however unfair those expectations are.

[–]bcyost 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with you there I was simply stating that because both have mostly social consequences which can be just as powerful as legal ones.

[–]wzil 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Biased gender based social norms don't belong here? Really?

[–]mochacola 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What's the worst that could happen? Community service plus 2 year parole for refusing to use online dating services which make you pay? Here, no one could be forced into a situation where they can't reject, so there's no violation of civil rights.

I can probably come up with a dozen reasons that'll make me not want to date someone. I don't care where I get those ideas, biological or nurtured by society, that's my choice. So, the reverse should be the same. These sites and women on these sites want certain demographic of men. If that's appalling, don't play it. You have every right to reject it, which of course makes it not a 'rights' issue.

[+][deleted] 10 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]mochacola 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

But it is not a violation of civil rights because men have every right not to pay for dates and not to pay for online dating services. Yeah, it'll piss off some women, but that's it,

Saying that is expected of men is no different than feminists whining about looking good is expected of women in dating scene. Both sides have the option of not playing the role expected, at the expense of losing some dating prospects. That's all.

[+][deleted] 10 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]mochacola 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

feminists complaining about ironing too much or always cooking dinner. Totally legitimate to say, it's acceptable to refuse doing it.

  1. Just because feminists are doing it does not mean we have to mirror what they do. The worst thing to do is do what they do. Feminists would say they refuse to cook on the notion that that's expected of women. That does not mean men should refuse to fix plumbing, and say, "You expect me to fix this sink leak just because I'm a man?!!!"

  2. I've never said it's unacceptable to refuse these expected roles. I said, everyone can easily refuse any expected roles discussed here, with no penalty at all.

  3. Ironing, cooking dinner, pluming, lawn work, are issues of sharing chores. Not issue of gender.

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