Is the only way to get over a serious LTR to get into another one?

jb_trp · 2017-08-08T18:02:34+00:00

There is a certain type of person that just can't be alone. I once met a woman who was married for 8 years, divorced, and within a week or two had her next boyfriend. They dated a year, broke up, and within a week or two found her current boyfriend. She gets away with it because she's attractive, but really it screams insecurity.

You need to be okay with being alone. You need to be secure in yourself. Why? Because then you can actually date successfully and vette potential women for an LTR. Or you can spin plates. Or do whatever you want. If you're unable to be okay with being alone, you're going to fall for (and commit to) the next woman who shows an interest. And then you're at her mercy.

Work on yourself. Find your mission in life. Get cool hobbies. Go out with lots of women, fuck some of them, and blow all of them off in the end. Reach a point in life where you are happy and have some experience and can evaluate what a good partner might be, and have the skills and confidence to make it work. Trust me, you'll be in a much better place that way.

shits-and-giggs · 2017-08-08T17:34:18+00:00

Go find a hobby, try to get a raise at your job, or go talk to girls like it's your mission. Just keep busy.

[deleted] · 2017-08-08T17:56:09+00:00

They are dreams.Your brain can't distinguish between a previous LTR and another one.It's trying to make you a beta provider.

[deleted] · 2017-08-08T18:28:54+00:00

A: replacing with another LTR B: several new plates/bitches C: living a great life

quicklogaccount · 2017-08-08T19:52:07+00:00

Is it the idea that i messed it up

This is a biggie. You end up being overly sensitive to the late relationship's strong points.

What are you thoughts?

Before detaching from my relationship with my ex (close to seven years together) my life was hell because the LTR made me insecure as shit. So insecure it was painful. At some point she berated me and expressed disdain for our relationship, I never recovered while I still cherished her affection.
After detaching I spent like a year and a half just in guilt and hoping she'd fuck up again so I could break up. My life was still hell because I wanted SO MUCH to fuck around and couldn't, most of my brainpower was spent rationalizing or daydreaming about it. (I tried to break up but didn't have the guts and made it into an ultimatum, and the ultimatum worked like a charm)

Less than two months after breaking up with my ex I had forgotten what feeling like shit because of the LTR was like so I only remembered the good stuff and ended up missing the relationship and wondering if we'd go back together. I still do and I made the habit of remembering how I felt about it and just how incompatible we are in all regards when I think fondly of the LTR.
Time erases the shit you dislike, guilt and the good stuff stays.

CookiezAYYYYY · 2017-08-08T17:28:37+00:00

Sometimes I dream about potatoes

RedSkeller · 2017-08-08T17:58:42+00:00

You may think that but looking back a year later, can you really say nothing has changed? Think about the times when you got into LTRs, did you see it coming? As long as you are working towards your goals and vetting new women, it's just about being patient. Rushing into something new is just a mentality of loneliness/scarcity.

[deleted] · 2017-08-08T18:30:27+00:00

This mindset is you saying you can never be happy without a girlfriend? What is wrong with you life that you hate being alone so much? Ask yourself that.

Go find some hobbies and passions to keep you busy. You have every girl on a pedestal.

Right now your dream is the girl. Go follow your dreams and a girl will want to join you on them.

imn0tg00d · 2017-08-08T19:48:16+00:00

You have to learn to be happy by yourself. You're trying to fill the void in yourself with what you think is an ideal woman. You think that if you keep trying you will find that perfect, loyal, unconditional love. It doesn't exist. Any chick of mine would leave me for Tom Brady in a heart beat. If you want unconditional love, get a dog.

Rares5555 · 2017-08-08T20:14:35+00:00

Nobody on this planet will be able to make you forget about people or feelings.

Give your brain reasons to get over her (find hobbies, passions, read, go to the gym, etc.), and you’ll get over her.

Enjoy the freedom of being single and the brotherhood here at TRP Headquarters.

AfterC · 2017-08-08T21:03:20+00:00

No faggot. The way to get and keep a LTR is to be a self centred asshole single guy. You just became that, dont give it up again.

Ur_not_cookaine · 2017-08-08T21:07:45+00:00

Peter_B_Long · 2017-08-08T22:52:06+00:00

Dang a year huh. Another LTR is not the answer. Spinning plates and having 1 or 2 FWB would definitely help. But not getting over your ex after a year isn't healthy.

Title	Is the only way to get over a serious LTR to get into another one?
Author	Throw7away712
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	August 8, 2017 5:24 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6sf0tw/is_the_only_way_to_get_over_a_serious_ltr_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-the-only-way-to-get-over-a-serious-ltr-to-get.95523 https://theredarchive.com/post/95523

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