I'm actually quite scared posting this but I need not only advice but detailed advice on how to right the ship.

About three years ago I was dating a girl and she ended up accusing me of rape. The police came to my house and took a lot of my belongings and questioned the people I was living with. I was able to get legal council thanks to my parents. My life slowly began to spiral into chaos. I was arrested a few weeks after and had to spend the night in the county jail. Most people would think this wasn't a big deal but there were people in there who I was around who had killed more than once. Luckily I am pretty likable and ended up being on good terms with some of these guys so I didn't worry about my safety too much after that.

While I was in jail one of my lawyers came to speak with me and informed me if I were convicted I could face life in prison. This made no sense to me as not only had I not done what I was accused of but that I only had thought a conviction of murder would get such harsh a penalty.

After getting out I began to get easily frightened at the sound of a car going by or a door slamming. Severe insomnia set in and i'd be lucky to get three hours of sleep. I tried to stay in school but my advanced stem degree was too hard to keep up with in the condition I was in. Fast forward many months and I shutter to think of what I looked like to the people around me. A complete recluse whose short term memory was shot, frightened by most sounds above a whisper, starting to develop food intolerances and my social and familial relationships began to dissolve.

The trial that I thought would come never did. My lawyers found out my "girlfriend" who had accused me had slept with two other guys within 24 hours of the time of said rape. Apparently this coupled with the fact that I had text message evidence supporting the fact that she wanted me to fuck her that night ended up being too much for the DA to overcome. What I couldn't overcome was the part about her lending me money which she twisted into me coursing her into giving it to me. That is what did me in.

The end result of legal process was a 4 year deferred sentence. I am considered a felon right now but when the time is up I will have those charges expunged and will be semi free from that. It took me over a year after moving back in with my parents to be able to sleep again and a little bit longer to be able to eat and digest food properly. I fought very hard not to kill myself going through all of that but now that I find myself on the other end it's like I want to give up. I fought each day for years and have just become exhausted from doing it. I am unemployed still living with my parents. Where I used to have countless friends now I have none. I am honestly afraid of ever being intimate with another woman. I really want to but I am still terrified.

As far as lifting and trying to improve myself I lift 5-6 days a week and started cycling and doing hiit a few days a week. I get complimented on my looks a lot but am so mentally fucked up still that none of those things matter. I'm really lost and if someone can offer me some good practical advice on how to change you'd be saving my life.