For many young Japanese, marriage — and sex — are low priorities

Clockw0rk · 2016-01-10T17:58:27+00:00

From my, admittedly limited, understanding of Japanese culture, Japan's reaction to their economic recession was to pressure men into more office jobs and longer hours to compete with foreign nations.

Whereas America continued to tout the "nuclear family" model of a husband, wife, kids, pet, house, and car; Japan's model seemed to simply push men further and further into work, family be damned.

Looking at their media, father figures are most often absent from the standard family equation as father is always at the office. In more recent years, both father and mother are busy at work while the kids are left to their own devices.

It's no doubt why young Japanese people, of both genders, would be reluctant to engage in family building if they've been drilled into from their family, schooling, and government that being productive workers and having spending money are more important.

As is the case around the world, Hyper-Capitalism is eroding our families and communities. When you're forced to put in over 40 hours a week and little to no vacation just to keep up and live comfortably, the additional effort and expense of having hobbies and social interactions force many to choose either one or the other.

RyanoftheStars · 2016-01-10T21:44:47+00:00

I was born and raised in Japan, and though I haven't been there for about a year now, because I work overseas right now, I think it would be prudent to mention that Japan Times and Japan Today are very unreliable sources. Many of these issues are much more complex than they make it seem and often the way they pick and choose details makes things seem a different way than the complex reality. For instance, choosing guys who like anime is rich, because I don't know how many times I have to stress this, but anime fans that act like this are a minority of a minority. They are an extreme subculture. Then their quote with Rika is also quite ridiculous, because it's obvious if you speak Japanese that she was referring to a time that has long past, but the article makes it seem as if bosses pressuring their female workers was something that faded over the last two decades or so. (Also, the Western press loves to point out a work culture that only really exists in about 10% of all workers in Japan. Sure, they generally the most, but the greater proportion of jobs in Japan do not operate like that.) I also love the rich quote about trendy dramas being less popular. While it's true that they're not as often as big a deal these days, these romance dramas and the people who like them are still an exponentially larger and more popular demographic than any anime and magazines that cater to romantic and style interests of boys and girls still have quite a large audience.

I also want to call out some of these surveys and studies they use. There is a lot of debate within Japan about how valid they are and whether or not it's just the media trying to scare up a message for the government to encourage baby-making. For instance, there is an argument that they use weasel words like "for the time being" or "right now" before the survey questions, meaning that depending on how long the time period of the survey, they could just reflect a teenager or 20-somethings reluctance to settle down at the time of the survey. Also, scarcely ever brought up in the Western media is the fact that like most modern cultures, slang terms for relationships change quickly in Japan and what our parents thought as dating or in a relationship, we think of differently, something like the English word "hookup," so my younger generation doesn't even define relationships in the same way. For instance, if I had sex with a girl periodically, but we didn't go out on dates, I wouldn't call it a relationship and girls have much the same standards. On top of this, that guy at Chuo (I don't know why, but people from Chuo University tend to make me spit fire in anger) and other sociologists like him are in a constant debate with other sociologists and have a tendency to have long arguments about "what is ruining the youth," and it's almost ways something to do with manga. When we had a brief spike in violence, it was manga. What made the bubble break? Manga. Lowering school achievement? Manga. Then there are those who I believe are more appropriate with their assessments who argue with these people and this has going on for decades.

There is a huge elephant in the room that many Western media and other types of politically motivated media who report on the issue of our graying society ignore. Many of them totally neglect to mention that there is a huge part of our young society who doesn't believe that Japan needs to be an economic super power and needs to maintain its population. It infuriates me because they basically ignore our moral objections to having the future of the country dictated to by the past generation. Don't we get to decide how we're going to structure our life? For instance, I know many of my friends are reluctant to have children because they want to be available for their aging relatives should they need help. Many of us believe it is better to adapt society to take care of the aging and work together and not be so ambitious to "reclaim Japan's economic glory days." We are an incredibly blessed country and beside, reducing the population impact will make our environment better.

Also, these articles always, always seem to ignore the significant part of the population who is interested in relationships and having children and the way their values have changed significantly from their parents. You almost never see mentions of "ikumen" culture or the "monster parent" problem in the Western media. They have a very different mentality based on enjoying life compared to our parents who were told to "work for the good of the country." We are doing our part, but we're doing it the way we want to. That's what a democratic culture is supposed to be, right? We decide what we want to do? I get so furious that I feel like the past generation is our collective parent and they scold us for not doing things that are not morally bad in any way. Who cares if some people don't want to have sex or be in a relationship? That doesn't mean you can be mean to them, especially the really small subcultures like anime guys.

I'm not an MRA per say because I hate politics (you can participate in this sub without being one right?), but I have been interested in the problems of men ever since I felt like some in my country are blaming my lack of interest in getting married and having children like I was failing my duty to the country, and I feel like I should support other men who feel as frustrated with the way they are painted as villains as I am. I love my hometown. I will definitely return to live there once I'm done working overseas. But I refuse to plan out my life as some sort of collective duty to support a nebulous concept of human growth as a good thing.

I respect the feelings of my sexual partners and don't get involved with people who want something more than me. I'll screw women if they want to screw with me and if not oh well. It's not the end of the frigging universe. I refuse to stick my dick in patriotism.

Wittycandor · 2016-01-10T16:28:54+00:00

From the comments, not sure if serious or Poe:

To be fair, the standards of most women are simply:

-He has a stable job, and stable finances.

-He has his own place, preferably large enough for two people if he wished.

-He is reasonably in shape.

-He takes good care of his hygiene, is clean cut, and doesn't smell.

-He dresses nice, and has a sense of style. (Most men pay almost no attention to their fashion, and that's not attractive to most women.)

-Maybe he has a car or something.

-He has some sort of life plan, and a realistic one at that, and is taking measurable steps to achieving it. Not a fantasy ideal, but something pragmatic and achievable.

-He has confidence, and doesn't mind taking the lead in the relationship, and letting the woman depend upon him and lean on him. And he is comfortable supporting, potentially another person.

-He is sweet and honest, doesn't lie, and is willing to communicate.

That's pretty much it, and if you look at that list, it's not really unreasonable. Most of it just falls in line of "Be a responsible person who has their life together."

SupremeAuthority · 2016-01-11T05:23:28+00:00

If only the west learned to be more like these young Japanese men.

Title	For many young Japanese, marriage — and sex — are low priorities
Author	dalurkingluke
Upvotes	36
Comments	18
Date	January 10, 2016 4:22 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/40bw5x/for_many_young_japanese_marriage_and_sex_are_low/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/for-many-young-japanese-marriage-and-sex-are-low.963463 https://theredarchive.com/post/963463

Comments