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Men-only divorce law firm for fathers feeling let down by family courts to open in London

rbrockway

May 19, 2015
202 upvotes
/r/MensRights
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/menonly-divorce-law-firm-for-fathers-feeling-let-down-by-family-courts-to-open-in-london-10253669.html
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Post Information
Title Men-only divorce law firm for fathers feeling let down by family courts to open in London
Author

rbrockway

Upvotes 202
Comments 26
Date May 19, 2015 9:55 AM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/36h2jf/menonly_divorce_law_firm_for_fathers_feeling_let/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-only-divorce-law-firm-for-fathers-feeling-let.979903
https://theredarchive.com/post/979903
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Comments

[–]bertreapot 38 points39 points40 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

She believes that firms marketing themselves on the idea that dads get a raw deal could be dangerous. “The premise is engendering distrust in the system and I think that’s unfortunate,” she said. “It’s engendering a view that has no factual basis.”

In other words, feminists don't want men pointing out that the family court system doesn't work for them, because it's working pretty superbly for women, and if people start paying attention men might start getting a fair shake, which we can't have

[–]Halafax 17 points18 points19 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

I know nothing about courts in the UK. Hell, courts in the US vary by state. I only know my experience.

My experience was horrendous. The thing to remember is that you are a temporary entity in court. The judges and the lawyers are there every day, doing it over and over. The lawyers have much more in common with each other than they do with their clients.

They are all going through the motions and aping actions and reactions for their client's benefit. But it's just for show. What they really want is to get paid, and to move on to the next pay check.

The courts are unfair to men because it's convenient. Depriving a man of custody is seen as a valid way to insure his ability to pay bills. Legal bills, support obligations, etc..

[–]my_name_is_gato 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I am sorry you had a bad experience. Some lawyers are just as you described, but I always viewed my clients as people in need of my assistance as opposed to cash cows. It is harder to make good money that way, but my clients were typically satisfied with my work. You know what they say about lawyers; 99% of them give the others a bad name.

[–]Halafax 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Heh. I don't think %99 of lawyers are bad people. I do think that people in general adjust to fit into their situation. Which is a slippery slope. Family law is extremely difficult to resolve, and eventually most sane people are going to learn to take the path of least resistance.

You can learn a lot about a system by understanding the intent. What are they trying to accomplish, what trade offs are deemed acceptable, and who they want to protect. But you can learn even more about a system by watching what a really destructive person can do with it.

My ex used every bit of leverage available. And there was a lot to work with. I got served with restraining orders, she and her family made a lot of terrifying accusations. When she hid the kids from me, no one could do anything but file for a hearing. When she cleaned out the accounts, the lawyers just shrugged and told me "you'll never see any of that again, it's just leverage now". Which meant I had nothing to hire a lawyer with. If my sisters didn't loan me money for the retainer, I would have been fucked. Not everyone has family that can front thousands of dollars, what do those folks do?

I resent being made a villain because it was good strategy. I resent the idea that kids need more time with their moms than their dads. I resent what the system let my ex do.

I understand the system has to withstand " worst case" situations, but that leeway is deadly in the wrong hands. There have to be some protections for dads, and I don't think there currently are.

[–]Michaelllllll 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Although it may be an uncommon occurrence, my dad was able to get custody over myself and my sisters when he divorced my mom. It was in Maryland, and I'm not sure how his lawyer went about doing it, but I can say that it definitely was for the better. It always surprises me when I realize that most men are unable to get custody, despite obvious and logical reasoning.

[–]Halafax 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I got >some< custody. We technically had "shared parenting". I asked for week-on, week off residential custody. I ended up with my kids on alternate weekends and Wednesday nights.

I had most of her financial issues documented (they were serious), but the court didn't care. She was a stay at home mom, my kids were young, and I had a paycheck to maintain.

The guardian ad litem I had to hire >just to see my children at all< wrote a report that recommended she get primary residency, and that was the end of that. My lawyer said the magistrate probably wouldn't go against the guardian's report. I had expressed all of my concerns to the guardian, but the guardian just does interviews and writes a report. I didn't know what was wrong with my ex, and the guardian didn't seem to understand her issues any better than I did.

My ex was supposed to consult me on school and medical issues, but wouldn't. She wouldn't let me call my kids. My only recourse to get her to fulfill the decree would have been to appeal to the magistrate that she wasn't upholding our terms. That takes money, I was broke from spousal and child support. She knew I was broke, she flouted her ability to ignore the decree. Had I stopped paying support, an agency would come after me automatically. If you ignore the decree, no one gives a shit.

I spent two years worrying about my kids. Every time I dropped them off, I said goodbye for what I thought might be the last time ever. Then the police called. She got caught making kiddie porn with our 4 year old daughter to make some money. After she was sentenced, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in prison. Suddenly the terrible marriage and divorce made a lot more sense.

Here is the thing. I didn't know what BPD was, I just knew my ex was dangerous. I explained that to my attorney, the guardian, and anyone that would listen. They didn't much care, because I didn't have the funds to push for psyche evaluations. I was deeply in debt as it was.

This was my only marriage, my only divorce. I didn't know how to fight, I got run over by the system. I don't think I'm the only one in that boat. The court wants the problem to go away, and someone to pay for the problem. They have no interest in the outcome beyond that.

[–]Maschalismos 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

D:

I'm so sorry. That is the single worst divorce story I have ever heard. I am very, very grateful for my bachelor status.

[–]Frobenioid 16 points17 points18 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Ms Jacklin said it was “not true” that the family courts were biased against men. “The court’s focus is on the welfare of the child.”

Ms (what a surprise) Jacklin isn't wrong. The court's focus is on the welfare of the (adult female) child.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

There is a divorce firm in Dallas run by female attorneys who help men in a divorce.

Their commercials are half serious, half a jab at women who file for divorce (paraphrasing: "I am a woman and I know how the female mind works in a divorce").

In fact, now that I think about it, I think there are 2 such firms in the DFW who support men only in divorce. There is one Barry Sanders supports as well.

[–]Maschalismos 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

thats..... brilliant, actually. I would go to an all-female divorce firm in a heartbeat.

[–]richardnorth 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

I'll be impressed if the government doesn't shut this place down within 6 months. Femnists can't stand any service geared to just men.

[–]bullet50000 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

They've been around for a good few years

[–]Surprentis 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome. I recently did IT work at a woman only divorce firm here where I live so its nice to see the opposite.

[–]McFeely_Smackup 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

there's lots of "men only" divorce law firms in my area, they advertise on TV and radio nonstop.

Is this a new thing in London?

[–]Dunkcity239 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I've seen some in Florida. I hired a female attorney because I thought it would look better. She actually did a great job

[–]McFeely_Smackup 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I dont' see why female lawyers couldn't specialize in divorce for men. I'd hire one, for just the reason you said.

[–]Dunkcity239 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Not saying they can't. I just felt like I would be considered "aggressive" if I went with the men's rights law firm.

[–]Halafax 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Appearances are important, and female lawyers are often suggested for contested custody cases.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

has said firms like his are “about empowering men, not bashing women.”

Funny, when was the last time you heard a women's "charity" feel compelled to say they are just helping womens, not bashing men?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I wish this was in my London as in London Ontario. I just went through my first court date for custody and I was torn apart. If that were anything more than a case conference I would have been in a lot of trouble. The judge was immediately on my (ex)wife's side spouted all kinds of mom's are better than dad's bullshit. There is massive distrust and it needs to be pointed out and it needs to challenged. I hope this firm helps.

[–]joedapper 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

“Divorce for men firms are about engendering in men a feeling that they're being treated unfairly by a prejudiced legal system, and then galvanizing them to actively fight for as much as they can hold onto. In some cases, that can be fairly characterized as “niche” legal work, but, in others, it might also be called exploitative.”

If men did get a fair shake in divorce courts things like this wouldn't happen right? Cause and Effect? My brother is being put through the ringer by his X wife, and she's the one who went out and had an affair and busted up the family. So yeah, until such time as there is fairness in the divorce courts - By men for men law firms - I wish you much success.

[–]AWright5 -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Shame this isn't just for ANY person feeling let down by family courts.. It would be more fair and could highlight the inequality in custody cases.

(I assume there are a fair few women who feel they have been hard done by in terms of custody)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

Women have a much greater support system out there already, and the core system already favors women.

Men need something specific for them to help offset the imbalance. What you suggest is basically opening up shelters for men and women of DV instead of just ones for men. Men need them. Women have them, and most that take bother to take men will turn them away to "protect women and children" if they have to.

You can't fight an imbalance with "equal" treatment. It started from from inequality, so equal treatment going forward just keeps it that imbalance where it always. It's one step forward, one step back. You're giving women additional resources, while giving men some. So women are still in the better position.

[–]AWright5 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You're talking about DV? I thought this was about divorce and child custody. With child custody I think this is fair because women don't have many things like this either.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I was giving an example.

They don't have many things like this, because they don't need it. The system already favors them. Why do they need specialized help to get around a system designed to support them by default? lol

[–]AWright5 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The system favours them in most cases but not always. If the help centres are for both sexes then we should see more men there than women so it still helps to stop inequality. I don't want women feeling they can't get any help because they happen to be discriminated against but not in the usual way.

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