I’m 18 and recently became black pilled after a negative experience I had with a woman I thought loved me. It was horrible, I never felt so embarrassed. I then started to look back on my life and realized that outside of family members I never really had any positive interactions with women.

Growing up, I would listen to my sister and her friends talk about the guys they had a crush on. They would go on and one about nice and charismatic these chads were. Sure, they mentioned they liked his looks, but whenever I would awkwardly walk into to kitchen to pretend to get a class of water, I would ask what they liked most about whatever guy they were into and it was always fucking always personality!

So like an idiot I took notes, actual notes in hillroy notebook like I was studying for a test, listing all the things these women said they liked. I then did my best to run social girl game on my sisters friends by being nice, funny, and sympathetic to womens issues. All this did would get me treated like a pet!

They would say hi to me in the hallways, but never initiate any conversation with me, aside for asking help with homework. And like an idiot I never said no because I believed them when they said they liked nice guys. But there was never any sexual attraction directed towards me. They would use me to gas themselves up, get attention, or fish for compliments - and then use that confidence I helped build up to ask out another guy!

I wasted years hoping that thy would come to their senses and realize what nice guy I am, but they never did. In fact, the only girl I ever “dated” clowned me in front of the whole school.

As embarrassing as all this was, nothing compares to the time I was nuclear blackpilled in Amsterdam with my cousin. Last summer the two of us decided to meet up with distant family in Europe. But he convinced me to let us stop in Amsterdam along the way becuase of the crazy party scene. As virgin, I wanted to have sex so badly so I thought this would be my chance.

On our very first night we went to a nightclub and I was mogged to death. Every guy there was wearing nice clothes, taller than 6ft, had a good face, and was either jacked or super lean. My cousin meanwhile fit right in. By the end of the night he made out with 3 or 4 different girls, got head in the bathroom from one of them, and even made friends with a group of tourist Chads from UK. Meanwhile, even the bar tenders at the club wouldn’t even make casual conversation with me. It was so bad that every girl there rejected me, including one that weighed more than I did.

So to cheer me up the next night we go to the red light district. As we walk along the canal admiring all these beautiful women they start tapping on the glass windows to get our attention. A few even open the door and start a conversation…but the eye contact and interest was always directed to my cousin. Eventually he succumbs to temptation and heads in.

Not knowing what to do, I awkwardly walk along the canal by himself and got 0 attention. I even tried to make eye contact but most women looked away or averted their gaze. Eventually I saw this absolutely beautiful woman, a textbook blonde haired blue eyed Stacy, and decided to try to be a bit more confident. She charges me 100€ entrance fee and tell me it’s another 200€ for sex. She takes the money, puts condom on me - again avoiding eye contact, and then gets in doggy position without saying a word.

I’m literally shaking at the thought that I’m about to lose my virginity to this gorgeous woman, but it was a huge let down. She wasn’t into it at all. Didn’t look or talk to me. I felt like I was alone, using her body as tool, as opposed to feeling connected to someone. After what felt like 5 minutes I explain to her that I’m having a hard time getting off and ask her to turn around or even dirty talk, but all she does give a couple of half-assed moans. After about a minute or 2 she tells me our 30 minutes is up and kicks me out without me cumming.

Feeling I gather my clothes and text my cousin to meet up. He then proceeds to tell me about the amazing time he had for only 150€ Total. Like an idiot, I believed him when he said it was my fault for choosing such a basic and superficial girl. Had I chosen better I likely would’ve had a better experience

Loooks and genetics determines everything and I feel like and idiot for taking so long to figure it out.