I have to be a little vague partly because I am paranoid, but also because I think if I get into details and the story is discovered, it is too easily traceable.

My STBXW and I were headed for an amicable separation where we generally had decided how our assets and custody would work out. As much as she knows, we're still heading down that path. We were waiting to inform family until after the holidays, so we haven't actually announced or physically separated yet.

I accidentally stumbled across some evidence of an affair. It would have been my prime suspect and someone I expected to hear about at some point down the road. The person is married as well. I discovered some other evidence, too. Stuff involving the kids indirectly, but still is disturbing. Even if I gave the most gracious interpretation of what I've seen, the questions would be "who's idea is this?" "who's this for?" "how was this not a giant red flag?"

Now, I feel I have to go for full custody. I'm worried how I can afford an expensive divorce attorney (not sure how she would either). I'm worried even if I did go to court, a judge would determine young kids can't be without their mother and so the money is wasted. I'm worried about having full custody and literally not being able to do anything with my life (but the kids are more important than future love or hobbies). I'm just exhausted and worried.

Not sure what I expect here. I had a lawyer consultation and I fully expect divorce lawyers to tell you to hire them and spend thousands and everything will go your way. My preference is to confront my STBXW with what I know and see if avoiding court and discovery and explaining things would lead to a settlement agreement where I can just take full custody and have favorable terms with the assets.

Just needed to vent. I get despondent thinking about it all.