I got some meaningful advice from a friend when I was really struggling with handling my new divorced reality.

Some backstory, in the span of about 90 days I went from thinking my marriage was a little strained because of COVID lockdown stress to finding out that my wife had been having a long term affair with a neighbor and our marriage was ending.

My entire world changed very rapidly, I couldn't process it. I did everything wrong, I held onto the marriage recovery fantasy too long and poured myself into a bottomless pit of misery and failure trying to solo fix my marriage. Even after I believed I had accepted the fact that it was over I would spend hours upon hours just thinking about what-if scenarios and basically living in my head dwelling on everything.

Prior to noticing my marriage breakdown, I had been able to transition to remote work fairly well and had been losing weight and getting in shape by to replacing my commute time with weight training and not eating garbage fast food lunches. I let myself fall apart. A few months after the things turned south, a great work friend noticed that my performance had dropped off a cliff and that I looked like shit physically.

He knew my situation and he told me something that really woke me up, "You need to accept that you've already lost the marriage, stop making it your top priority. You are on a path that ends in losing your kids and your job right now if you don't accept this and make some big changes. You are gambling with horrible odds, right now you are betting the mortgage on the roulette wheel to make back the savings account you already blew. Walk away from the casino and accept the loss. You've lost enough, don't lose everything."

It flipped a switch in me honestly and I finally understood what all the move on advice actually meant. It was the only way to keep what I had and set me up to start rebuilding.

I read a lot of posts on here that speak to me because they reflect where I was then and I'm hoping sharing something that helped me can help others. Good luck out there, this sucks but you have to either find a way to live with it and move on, or let it kill you.