Anyone else divorced, or seeking divorce, for this reason?

BroScrubYourBalls · 2019-12-22T17:49:20+00:00

I'm of the camp that love is an ebb and flow.

She divorced me after our second child. She was certain she didn't love me anymore. Her mom recently expressed to me that despite remarrying a year later, she isn't happy and her friends have told me she has regrets and realized when she wrote her new vows how she basically ignored one the ones she wrote to me because "love" .

What does love even look like? Is it the butterflies? Is it the infatuation? Is it constantly looking around the corner for the next best thing until we meet someone that's a punch above our weight class?

Love takes many forms through a marriage and I hate to say it, but love doesn't always feel like "love" as the years continue on.

You will potentially only replace the person you no longer feel like you love with someone else that you will no longer feel like you love.

Divorcing for abuse, manipulation, affairs, and hell I'll even throw in empty bedrooms or a decision based on some serious couple's/personal therapt but to leave someone based on a subjective feeling of "love" because of other options or the idea you don't have butterflies isn't necessarily something I can support.

Think about your children? Think about how happy they'll be on their wedding day and how distraught they'd be to know on that day, the person telling them "for better or worse" only means for the better when they feel butterflies.

I feel like this is more of an issue to work through in counselling, try to find that reconnection of what caused you to love her to begin with, and go from there. Considering to leave someone just because you don't love them is denying the idea that that's normal in a long term relationship and that that love is rekindled as long as the relationship isn't toxic.

2019-12-21T03:37:12+00:00

It's a tough road. We don't have kids together so mine is easier than yours.

I'm waiting until after the holidays. I already have an apartment set aside and in the next couple weeks, I'm going to go shopping for furniture, etc.

If you look at my post history, you'll find that I cheated. It was the wrong thing to do. I should have just ended it.

I love her but am not in love with her.

paz- · 2019-12-21T07:15:39+00:00

Yes and its incredibly hard. People told me to end it years ago but due to overwhelming guilt (thought of hurting her by leaving), her mother dying, our Roman Catholic childhood, I didn’t. We had a child 3.5 years ago and i left 2 years ago.

We get on much better to be honest. She has since admitted she was also completely unhappy. We get on well and put our son first.

It is really fucking hard with children in the mix!

TestYourTruth · 2019-12-21T03:41:17+00:00

Yes! I wish I ended it when I realized, when no other woman was in the picture. It’s much much uglier when there is. I realized in hindsight that it would have been more brave, and more right at the same time, to end it once I knew. Your feelings won’t change. When u know u know!

Title	Anyone else divorced, or seeking divorce, for this reason?
Author	miles507
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	December 21, 2019 3:26 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/edkl1k/anyone_else_divorced_or_seeking_divorce_for_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else-divorced-or-seeking-divorce-for-this.1201968 https://theredarchive.com/post/1201968

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