Approach to Mediation

JamJarBlinks · 2024-08-16T18:29:35+00:00

Doing it with a mediator means that both are willing to negotiate to avoid ruinous costs.

It does not mean that its going to be nice or pleasant. And for the love of god do not lead with a high offer. This is a negotiation, not a picnic party. If you open high you paint yourself in a corner and likely will either lead you to take a poor deal or resort to lawyers.

I got a good deal out of mediation but it took a lot of efforts on both sides to get to the finish line, and I opened as low as I could without looking as acting in bad faith.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-14T04:43:46+00:00

I am considering presenting highest and best offer, would that be a mistake?

For men in divorce, generally, this is the most common mistake - or some version of it. Making a generous / very reasonable offer - on the hopes that this spouse (who likely has not been the pinnacle of reasonableness and rationality throughout the relationship) will somehow magically accept it. And latent in this suboptimal strategy is a desire for "the pain to stop" or to avoid conflict - i.e. a quick and easy solution to just get it done and move on. Which - of course is not incorrect and would be a good outcome ... but not the way it usually works.

Divorce is essentially a zero-sum game which forces all bargaining to be positional rather than "interest based" (with perhaps the exception being the coparenting agreement). In zero-sum games, parties start at opposite ends and meet somewhere in the middle. Being unreasonable, being comfortable with making things uncomfortable, dissimulation, throwing out red herrings, bargaining chips, piecemeal negotiations, etc. are the optimal strategies to get a fair deal. It's prime game theory material.

She wants the house, you want her to keep the house - well, then you need to take the position that you want to sell the house and split the proceeds. Otherwise she'll try to fuck around with the valuation to get you to buy her out for more.

In essence, you will always get a worse deal than you first offer.

Also, why are you making the first offer?

Is this the first mediation and court ordered? Do NOT expect a deal to come out of it. Be ready, but don't expect it. And this mediation can just be tactical for you - set your positions, get hers and as soon as she starts being greedy or fucking around with custody - tell your lawyer that you're both walking out and if she wants to make a reasonable offer, you'll consider it.

None of this is specific advice for your situation - but hopefully you get the gist of it. Bringing a divorce case to settlement can be complex and requires a good strategy.

Avoid war by letting her know you're prepared for war.

Title	Approach to Mediation
Author	MovingForwardNow123
Upvotes	2
Comments	6
Date	August 13, 2024 1:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1er7sz6/approach_to_mediation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/approach-to-mediation.1527218 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527218

Comments