Crosspost "Divorce a year later." from /r/Divorce:

Throwaway account.

So I'm just feeling confused and a bit lost on some things that have been happening recently. Quick recap: my ex wife wanted the divorce March of 2019. A lot of things went down from her, including, cheating by sending nudes, emotional abuse, using me for sex knowing what it was doing to me, telling me to kill myself (then denying she did it, she has admitted to everything else), going back and forth with she wants to stay married and then back to get divorced. I moved from TX to OK back in May of 2019 to be near family and get away from what she was putting me through. Our divorce was finalized in Nov of 2019. Since I moved back I did both the good and bad things for me, working out, eating healthy, mass drinking, casual sex, etc. I met someone who has been amazing and kind and caring and so much more and we have been dating for a while now. She pursued the hell out of me and wouldn't let me say no lol.

The issue is, I don't feel like I'm getting better. I married my ex wife believing it was forever, and it just wasn't. It's hard seeing myself with my new gf, K, as I don't feel about her what I felt about my ex-wife. I was told that we are guarded after a messy end of a relationship. I want this to work out, but sometimes my thoughts go back to "I wish it was my ex-wife I was with." I've spoken to K, who has been divorced as well, and she was understanding and said it just takes time to fully move on.

My ex-wife has done the whole drunk calls/texts, blocked/unblocked me on social media, etc. Back in February I was working on taxes and she messaged me out of the blue about how I/my family was doing. We have had random chats since then about recipes, food our respective families make, how we are dealing with Covid/protests, memes/videos, etc. Because of everything she did to me during our divorce, I have the question of "why are messaging me/what do you want" in the back of my head. Are you wanting me back, are you seeing if I am moving on, are you screwing with me psychologically/emotionally, etc. This passed Saturday her grandma passed away. Her message to me was "Mike. My grandma... 2 broken heart/2 crying emojis". She messaged me this morning to call her. It was about a nice dishware set my family had given her family back in the day. Her grandma still had it and they were cleaning out her stuff and she wanted to know if I had wanted it back or would I like it donated or sent to goodwill. Normally I would understand that, but we live about 12 hours away from each other. But before the phone call a million things went through my head, why are wanting me to call you?, am i your comfort/you can be with your mask down with me?, is it really just about a dishware set?, etc. I'm like this because 1, I'm obviously not over the marriage ending and 2 because of the trauma she put me through (my family's words). Why is it my first immediate thought is to go back to TX and be there for her and her family? Why do I daydream about it? Is she trying to mess with me still or does she want attention? My mom believes that my ex-wife is still trying to hold onto me/us in her own way.

Deep down I know it would never work between us now as she has caused too much damage and my family will never welcome her ever again. My family absolutely loves K and wants it to work out between us. Friends have told me not to ruin what I have with K because of how I feel. The issue is that I have been feeling like this for about 6-7 months now.

Is anyone else experiencing what I'm going through? Does anyone have advice?

Posted by dainbramaged0801 | 30 June 2020 | Link