Looking for advice as feel so lonely sometimes.

My wife of 8 years (together 19 years) with two boys (6&4) decided out of the blue she no longer loves me and that i needed to move out and is buying the house from me. We bought the house together 14 years ago.

This was like a kick to the stomach and all this happened the beginning of August. She would not listen at all, said give it to Christmas and work out everything. The reasons she gave me was she did not know who the direct debits were with and i ordered loads of parcels the other day. Yes it's all bullshit excuses.

I had it really bad the first 8 weeks. As could not understand any of it. We get on great together but as we both work 40 hours a week and i work early mornings (4am/6am) and she works later shifts 2/3pm until 1am for the children we hardly seen each other somedays but always tried to have dates etc, i said it would get easier when our little one goes full time school we can spend more time together, the boys are in school full time and start living our lives again as we out everything on hold to raise them for 6 years with only one baby sitter as she does not talk to most of her family.

She was doing loads of things behind my back like getting estate agents in when i was not there to value the property. Bought a brand new £20k car, ordered a new sofa, new bed and loads of new clothes. Writing lists of the things i could take, making spreadsheets about time tables for the boys and all this was in week 2 when i went through a mental breakdown and cut all my hair off (was shoulder length) and put on anti depressants by my doctor. Sleeping 2 hours a night and still working full time. My doctor said to go on the sick but i needed to get out of the house and away from it all.

She would often go out for coffee with friends and dress up smartly, where make up in the morning etc. But she has hated coffee for the 19 years i've known her, i also don't like coffee we have one small jar for guests if they ever fancy one. She only dresses up if we go out for dinner, or family get together etc and again is the only time she wears make up. So these were alarm bells to me. Asked if she was cheating and told me i would never do that to you. Week 8 i found out she was with someone from work, asked her again when i had the info and again lied to me so told her i'm leaving and you need to find a baby sitter for tomorrow as i wont be here. After i asked her about him and she said it only started after i broke up with you. So she broke up with me on a Monday and went for coffee with him on Thursday. Yeah because after 19 years this is something that you just do.

Did she apologise, no. Only for making me have a breakdown not the cheating. She kept rubbing it in my face even after i found out, like i'm a lodger and baby sitter for our children she even seen him on our anniversary which is an usual day and really hard to forget (October 10th 2010. 10.10.10).

It's been hell, i have these huge feelings of anger to just want to hug her. I cannot switch these off. I moved out 3 weeks ago as cannot stay there anymore. After everything she has put me through and the above is 5% of what is actually is i still love her.

I later found out she has loved him for a year and been lying to me when told me she loved me all year. She also went crazy when i hit her with a divorce as she wanted a separation agreement, she told me it was to save money, she told her boyfriend it was not to touch her pension. So my solicitor said ignore her just hit her for divorce for adultery. She was not happy at all, never seen such anger in her.

I found out last week that her boyfriend has dumped her as his ex found out about them (she told me they split up 18 months ago) and he panicked as said it can only be friends. As his ex as told him she is going to make his life hell and stop seeing his children (he has 3)

Her work is really awkward shift patterns and she knew this when she started 3 years ago. So is on the sick with stress at the moment and has been since i found out about the cheating. But her work has refused all the hours she has requested and even forced her back to work on light duties. She said the stress was affecting her job role (which is safety critical) so they put her in the office instead.

I have not spoken to her properly only when the boys are around or even looked at her since found out about them having an affair for over a year and lying to me all year.

She is my first love and been with her since i was 18 and she was 17. I thought this is the woman i grow old with. How do you move on from this. I actually felt great when found out her BF dumped her, work refused her hours and forcing her back to work as she thought life is rosy and i have a new BF, work will give me the shifts i need.

I know i need to get out and start living my life again but it all still feels so raw and still don't understand any of it.

Sorry if not much of this makes sence. Just living day by day at the moment and the first 6 months of this year was great. 2 holidays, great times with the boys, planning house extensions or moving etc. The last 4 months have been the worse.