Hi. First post on this sub. I went through a divorce about 5 years ago and you were all very helpful.

I got married last summer to the smartest, sweetest, kindest, most genuine woman I had ever met. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life.

To say she has changed would be an understatement. Everything I do now is controlled, surveilled, and micromanaged. She always had some rules about cleanliness (I say she has OCD, she denies it) mostly about germs (sadly not about being tidy) which has exploded into 100+ things that if I ever get anything wrong, I get screamed at.

We are well off and I am a great provider and protector. We just moved and I did tons of work around the house getting it ready. Taking big projects off her hands, researching and buying stuff, fixing things up, etc.. None of it seems to matter to her. She never says thank you.

All I do is sit in my office since she won't come in here. It feels like every time I leave my office, I get yelled at for doing something not according to her standards. I used to yell back but I have transitioned from anger into depression. I go in and out of resenting her. I look forward to when she goes to work and get anxious when she comes home.

She would say we have a great marriage. I was doing therapy until she spied on my first appointment in our new home and got furious at me for talking about our issues. She told me I'm not allowed to talk about her in therapy which kind of defeats the entire purpose. She was mad at me for 3 days after that and in that session I didn't even say anything that bad. The concept of it being an incursion into my privacy doesn't even occur to her so we haven't even bothered to have that conversation.

We have been trying to get her pregnant for about six months and I already had my reservations. That is now on hold indefinitely until she deals with her anger issues. I cannot imagine how often I would get scolded with a child around.

She even sometimes has good points to make but ruins them by not asking nicely, instead treating me like a child that must be corrected. I have told her hundreds of times at this point to ask me nicely and say please and I'd be happy to do whatever she wants. Yet she refuses. She won't listen to any of my advice about how to communicate better with me that doesn't enrage me. It's that tone.......I'm sure many/most of you know what I mean. That demeaning, motherly tone.

Sex? Forget about it. She actually wants it all the time but I have lost any sexual attraction towards her (or any interest in general).

I tell her she needs therapy. She refuses. I tell her we need couple's counseling. She refuses.

It's only getting worse. We never argue about anything big but she's basically turned into an overbearing Jewish mother and I'm at my wits end.

Any ideas about how I can save this? I would have asked in a relationship sub but you guys know who controls those.

Thanks for letting me vent.