I've read blog after blog and talked to anyone who cares. Advice is all over the place. Family wants me to work it out. Met with a divorce lawyer today who gave me all these assurances. Then I read somewhere that family law is all a racket. Can't afford the retainer anyway. Applied for legal assistance programs and they told me I don't qualify. Looked at the forms for self-filing and just don't have the mental energy. I'm so tired.

Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself: I am a military spouse and at-home dad with no income who gave up my life and career to support hers. We have 3 kids and a dog and a house and two cars and everything is in her name. I'm a thousand miles from my hometown and have no support system. I have every disadvantage I can think of. Except that I've been the primary caregiver for our kids for 10 years. But if I'm being really honest, I don't think I even want physical custody. I'd rather let them stay where they're established and parent around that. But I also know that's my self-sacrificing talking. And my exhaustion with it all. I just want to go home and start my life over.

After 17 years of marriage, I'm finally tired of trying to make it work by myself. She keeps saying she's "moving towards separation" and honestly I've been there for awhile. Just didn't have the resources to make the first move. But I don't want to wait for her to dictate the terms and leave me destitute.

Where do I even start? What do I even do? I can't even breathe. I'm sleeping in the guest room just trying to figure out how to get out of here while simultaneously wondering how to avoid shooting myself in the foot.

Sorry for rambling. I'm open to advice and encouragement if you've got it. I'll take commiserating too.