Makes it look so easy, our family lost, all that time, the love making, the delivery rooms, kids birthdays and lazy sundays at the pool playing with our boys and grilling out. Maybe its because I'm the one that was left behind without my boys, aside from every other weekend - its been almost a year and I'm still filled with grief and anxiety every minute I miss being with my boys. She seems to have distracted herself with new boyfriends and social media - guess what hurts is the cold hard fact that it all meant nothing, all the I love you's, the confidence that nothing could ever break us and my new reality here in my 2 bedroom apartment. That the man she married and had three children with is now a worthless human that got ehat he deserved.

I guess some people handle it better than others - I on the other hand do not do well without my kids.......some point I'll have to accept it, trust that theres a bigger plan out there for me but I think thats just something people have to say that are in this situation . You only get one family, the most important thing in life and to have it taken away is like living in a bad dream you cannot wake up from. The definition of marriage is fighting through the tough years to get to the good ones, not planning your exit at the first sign of adversity...love is unconditional and family is suppose to be the only constant in life. Just such a sad story, one thats so eff'n common these days - replaced, rinse and repeat - to another person that has just as many faults as the last - you spend more time trying to sell yourself that you're better off that you deserve better that it's okay living with other men raising your sons - their father is their HERO and that simply cannot ever be replaced.

You have to have a cold cold heart, to just forget - most days I wish I was like that. I'm jealous of it - it's easier to pretend as if our marriage and my kids was the dream that I have finally woken up from.