I hope sharing this will help someone else. Reading other people’s posts has certainly helped me. After 10 months of counseling (and 13 years of marriage) and basically being separated while still living in the same space, we called it. She said (once again) “I just can’t do this…” but this time I was mentally ready and I said I agreed and it was time for us to officially part ways.

When she first said “I can’t do this anymore” we also parted ways, but only temporarily. She moved out, got an apartment (that friggin day) and everything and after a few weeks we both agreed to go to counseling and she would move back in but still keep her apartment as a safety net. I hated that, but I wasn’t in a position to push back.

The last 10 months were basically a massive waste of time. I honestly believe I personally got more out of the counseling that she demanded we attend than our failed relationship…and I continue to go on my own).

Some background…we met when we were in our late 20s, I was 28 and she was 26. I took my vows seriously. She was from Europe and, knowing that her family and friends were an ocean away, I committed to being honest, open and faithful so she never had anything to worry about in terms of trust or fidelity or anything else. I learned pretty quick none of those things were priorities for her. She lied all the time (about little things, about big things, really anything), and 99% of the time there was no real reason to do so…it literally made no sense. She behaved almost like a kid lying to a parent. I’d remind her constantly that unless whatever she did had legal consequences, there was no reason to obfuscate or lie to me about things. I always had her back, no judgement, no punishment. It’s one of the few perks of being an adult. I’m mad because I ignored this.

Aside from that, years 1-6 were amazing. In hindsight, everything after that has been an absolute dumpster fire.

At year 7 (like some sort of stupid 7-year itch cliché), she goes out in Vegas and does something inappropriate with a mutual friend. I use the word inappropriate because while she told me the next morning that she kissed the guy, I honestly have no idea exactly what happened…why? Because I know she tends to bend the truth and at times straight up lie. Being the dumbass I am, I think “Well, maybe I’ve let her down in some way as a husband…people don’t do things like this for no reason” and since I’m the only person she has, if I get harsh about this situation, it’ll probably just push her further away. So I do the thing I think is honorable and within 24 hours forgive her and make the decision to trust her with no punishment or retaliation whatsoever. I’m mad that I made this decision and, once again, ignored what her actions were actually saying.

Fast forward to just after COVID and I take 2 years off my career to help her build a fairly successful business. A few years later and this business, of course, starts to put a massive strain on our relationship because her work ethic is ‘inconsistent’ to say the least. She then goes on a work trip a few states away and gets seriously hurt and gets hospitalized for 4 days. She once again hesitates to call me (like I’d be some sort of angry parent) and downplays the situation. Then the next evening it’s a more serious situation but on the 4th day she comes back home and needs to be assisted as part of her recovery, which I do. As you might imagine, the business takes a nosedive during her recovery and, while it really wasn’t an option, I gladly slip right back into my career. She struggles to keep the business going on her own.

A few months later and I’m the bad guy because:

1) I didn’t drop everything and fly out to be by her side at the hospital. I’d love to say I stayed because I couldn’t be bothered, but it was mostly about the business, bad timing with the seriousness of her injury changing between 24-48 hours and making sure things were sorted for her recovery…but if you were to ask her, I abandoned her for those 4 days (an unforgivable offense).

2) I spoke to her and looked at her terribly following her recovery as her business declined. In all fairness…I did this. No excuse…my frustration was not with my wife, but with my business partner. Unfortunately, there was no separation in her mind. She only saw her husband, not her business partner and I was a bit harsh about her incredibly terrible work ethic.

I regret putting her business before our relationship. I’d have handled that differently if I knew it would be that devastating to her. But I honestly didn’t see that level of outrage coming from someone who broke their vows so effortlessly.

All-in-all, I’ll get out of this situation with relatively little damage financially and we never had children.

I know I wasn’t a perfect husband for past these 13 years…I don’t necessarily regret the decisions I made, but I regret applying those decisions to this specific person. I can’t even be mad at her for any of this. She was pretty consistent the majority of our marriage. I’m just mad at myself and my goal is to get past that and just move on.