Hey everyone,

I apologize ahead of time for the rant/rambling/venting manner this post will resemble. Thanks to those who actually read.

I've been in this sub for the majority of the summer as my STBXW dropped the "I love you but I'm no longer in love with you" bomb.

This was followed by a trial separation (at the encouragement of our marriage counselor smh) for 2 weeks. My wife then spent the two weeks celebrating her birthday, she canceled the birthday I had set up for her and threw one herself. Meanwhile I laid on my parents' futon contemplating our marriage. At the end of the trial, I asked her "so what is the next step?" to which she responded "I enjoyed the separation." and asked for divorce. She has yet to file, dragged her feet getting out of the house, which is now up for sale, and has become a stranger to me. This was the person I spent 6 years with, almost 4 married (September)

We have two beautiful girls 3 and 1 yr old. I can't say I regret the marriage, as it gave me the two things I love more than anything.

The last year had been tough on us. I tore my ACL and needed reconstructive surgery, our youngest was born the same weekend the world went crazy and shut down due to the pandemic. I was laid off in May as a Curriculum coordinator but was able to land a teaching job in July, but included an hour long commute and about 7k less a year in income. We had our marital squabbles like any couple, but she saw them as more concerning than I did, typical man thing, and I put off counseling.

I consider myself a good man, great dad and a good husband. She has reiterated that sentiment, but still wants the divorce. We only speak in logistics involving the girls and selling the house. She seemed to move on quite easily, perhaps a function of her checking out of the marriage even prior to dropping the D bomb.

I felt unappreciated with waking up everyday at 5am (3 hours before she got up), getting myself ready, getting the girls ready and off to their babysitter/daycare, driving an hour to work, teaching middle schoolers about ancient India, driving an hour home before going out again and picking the girls up. I did majority of cleaning, cooking, house work, and yard work, all while she WFH. There were times I would come home to a sink full of dirty dishes (though we have a dishwasher) and various cups and utensils from her eating that day. I never complained about it. Just really wanted an "atta boy" every now and then.

I gave up some hobbies (I've played basketball, baseball, and rec hockey, because I've been doing all that since I was 5) for her and kids. My body wasn't able to keep up as much anyways. I do game every now and then, but only if household chores are done, but always made sure we had netflix movies nights together.

My in-laws for the most part are great. Her father still calls me son, and begged to not let this drive a wedge between him and I. We used to hunt and fish together. Her older brothers and younger brother still love me. Her older brother told me he's very upset about her decision, but said that he still wants me in his upcoming wedding in October. I told him I'd have to think about it.

The only true problem is her mother. They're super close, but she has a history herself. She cheated on my STBXW's father when my STBXW was about 11 and ran across town with another man. She's on her third marriage now, which for many on the outside looking in, is only about $$$. My MIL is my STBXW's main confidant. I KNOW she talked about asking for divorce with her before telling me, and its hard for me to believe her mother tried to talk her out of it.

So that's about it I think. Here I am about 4 months separated, no papers filed yet, in marriage limbo/hell. I miss my wife but if she wanted to reconcile, I'm not sure I would for fear of being thrown out the next time things undoubtedly get hard (that's marriage). Plus, I know she's not the same woman now as she was when I fell in love and married her. We have a good arrangement with the kids, roughly about 45/55 with her being custodial. Most agreements have been amicable.

Roast me or toast me, but I'm here and have found some useful thoughts, reflections, and resources here. I'd be willing to answer any questions to help you help me. I guess what I'm looking for is the support the sub gives. Thank you.