Maybe this belongs also on r/amitheasshole.

My wife and I are currently separated but living together. She’s 3 months pregnant with my child(it’s mine). We are living separately in the same apartment. We have been going to couples therapy, initially to explore how we are going to co-parent once the baby comes, but in the last few weeks, I’ve got the feeling, and also my wife said, that there might be a change of reconciliation. I think she thought that that’s what I wanted. She was the one who instigated the separation.

Anyway, we had come to an agreement that once the baby comes, she will stop working for a year and we would continue to live together. We haven’t got lawyers involved as we are both aware of the costs and we want to try at least to do this amicably. I am naturally sceptical, and I’m ready at a moments notice to lawyer up, but I thought I’d see how this plays out.

I won’t go into all the other details, of which there are many, but I wanted to focus on one disagreement we had today, which I raised, because she says I’m being petty, but I think I’m being prudent, and in fact by calling me petty, she’s actually the one being petty. Here goes...

6 months ago, she sold her property she had inherited from her grandmother as she wanted to use the money to buy an investment property. Or at least a down payment on an investment property. She needed me and my salary to get approval for the mortgage.

We own our primary apartment together which we both paid the deposit on 50/50 and both contribute to the mortgage and bills. She made it very clear from before we were married that her $250k property inheritance for the second property is hers, and in the event of divorce, I’m not to get any of it. We even signed a document saying so(not that that has much legal weight)

I was perfectly happy with this arrangement because she said that she wouldn’t want any of my retirement pension(which she would be entitled to half of) if we split up, and we had a gentleman’s agreement.

When we were together and she wanted to buy an investment property, I made it very clear to her that any costs involved in the property such as topping up the rent to pay for the mortgage, maintenance, rates, water, property management etc etc were all on her. She wasn’t happy about this, but I said that if I’m not a part of the investment, then I shouldn’t have to pay for its upkeep.

She has always complained that I don’t bring in enough money from my salary, so I said to her, well if it’s not enough, then why would I reduce it even further by having to pay for YOUR investment. I invest our savings in investment vehicles that require 0 cash input, not my fault that her investment bleeds money. I earn 3 times what she does btw.

My rationale is, if you needed me and my salary to get the 2nd mortgage, and you need my salary to pay for ongoing costs, then you can’t suggest that the investment is yours alone. This was when we were together. She agreed to pay for the costs out of her salary. Fine.

Now she’s pregnant and we have agreed that while she stopped working for a year, I’d be paying our joint mortgage together, and all the costs for her and baby and myself.

Then I said that, who is going to be paying for her investment while she’s not working? We have just had a large bill for plumbing and she’s also reduced to tenants rent for the next 6 months. She assumed the money would be coming from me and our savings.

I said even if we were still together, which we currently aren’t, this is exactly the situation I said I didn’t want before she bought the place. She can’t on one hand complain I don’t earn enough, or my salary isn’t enough to provide(spoiler, I do and it is) then on the other hand, reduce my salary by using it to fund HER investment.

If I’m paying for it then that means it’s a joint investment, or she uses her own savings(of which she has enough) to pay for the costs while she isn’t working.

She says I’m being petty and now can’t see us reconciling(I have not once asked to get back together) but I see it as protecting the money I earn and need to provide for her and the baby.

I shouldn’t have to fund her bad investment, especially if I’m not entitled to any of it when we split up, and especially seeing as I told her this before she insisted I help her buy it.

Am I being petty?