I've been married just about 8 years now to my wife who I, unfortunately, still love despite everything that's happened. We live in Oahu in her biological father's in-law unit with no lease (exciting!). We have two toddler boys, 3 and 5 years old that I love more than anything and will do whatever it takes to keep in my life.

We did great before we had kids but adding toddlers to our lives changed our focus considerably and our marriage went all the way on the back-burner. I was trying to make a new career in insurance and mortgage sales and neither was working out but my wife made good money as an interior designer so I became a stay at home Dad. In that time I was pretty depressed just waiting at home with our firstborn and taking care of him while she worked pretty late in the city every night.

As time went on it became clear that the Bay Area wasn't going to work long term, but she had family in Hawaii that was offering us a spot in a family in-law unit. Rent was cheap, daycare was cheap, we had good job prospects and it seemed like a saving grace for all the stress we were under. Our second was 4 months old when we got on the plane. I remained a stay at home dad for a time after moving and that was a huge mistake

After a year of SAHD she dropped a bomb on me, she wanted a separation. She was stressed out and handling too much and felt like she had three kids. Fair enough, I demanded we see a counselor, we talked a bunch about her concerns, and I fixed everything. I had a job climbing trees with my Arborist certification in 2 days, I quit drinking overnight, we worked on the calendar together, I cooked half the time, I did school pickups when I could, and I started making sure that I was doing over half of any household chore I could find. She seemed happy.

Two weeks later she's distant again so I check her phone just on a random whim, and there's Ian. Messages going back 16 years with a friend from high school, pretty flirty and recently, oh shit, he came out for a week while I was out of town. He came over to the house at 10:30 and left at 2:30 AM the same night he flew over from Florida and had dinner with his parents. Shit.

They dated for a week while I was in town and she hid everything. I got the receipts when I backed up her phone later on. Nothing explicit just some ridiculous situations like the first night that I'd be a fool to believe her story on. "We just sat here and talked and caught up since we haven't seen each other in forever". A week later when he leaves shes texting him that she is looking at planes out her office window wondering which one he's in. A week later she sends him a $200 Crock Pot in the mail, because that's a thing you do.

I forgive the "emotional" affair and go through counseling where she basically sits there and talks about not being able to trust me to be reliable. We do that for a year and she improves a little bit before she starts acting like she doesn't need it and we're fine now. Cue a year of calm.

Last week she says shes apprehensive about our relationship and when i press her, she wants to coparent. I don't even know what that is, but it feels like my marriage is over, probably has been for a couple of years I just didn't know it yet. In that time I went from Coconut Palm climber #18 at a tree company to Operations Manager with 16 direct reports running a tree company. I make more money than she does now, barely

We live in her dad's house in a separate unit on the ground floor, we have no lease. I moved here with her because in this house, Hawaii could make sense for us. After an affair and two years of peaceful married life where I'm focusing on building a new career, she will want me to move out. Papers haven't been started yet by anyone but I don't know what's going to happen.

I'm afraid I'll end up moving back to California and splitting custody 50/50 or living in a shit apartment because I can't afford a castle on the hill like her Dad. Do i just need a lawyer? Can she kick me out? I just want to be with my kids.

It feels like I was made to be dependent then resented for being dependent, then became independent, then that wasn't ever the problem. I came here with my wife because she promised we could make it work with her family and now she wants to kick me out of it and remove the financial support that made living here possible at all in the first place. I'm committed to my vows and my kids for personal reasons, I can't initiate a divorce or do anything that comes close to quitting on my marriage but now I feel like I might need a lawyer and draft papers in case her dad files an eviction notice.