OFW pro tips?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-08T23:04:22+00:00

First, you need to turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter another notch. Stoicism 101: You can't control her behavior. You can only control your response to her behavior. Read the book The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. It's the most accessible book on stoicism there is, and will serve you well.

When you communicate, use BIFF not DEER.

BIFF: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.

DEER: Defend, Explain, Excuse, Rationalize.

"No." is a complete sentence.

Wait 24 hours before you respond. That way you keep your cool instead of reacting in the moment. Nothing sent via OFW is so important that it requires immediate responses. Lastly, if it's not about the day to day caregiving of your children, then ignore it. My ex has sent me all sorts of messages about house maintenance and other bullshit not involving the children. I don't respond to it. Took a few years, but she stops sending me messages that aren't about the kids.

eventidehascome · 2022-12-08T21:15:58+00:00

As someone in tech, I hated OFW and made sure we didn’t have to use it. The organization and threading of messages was so bad. I know the courts require it sometimes but it is just another part of the divorce industry to hate.

Just the “schedule send” part of gmail makes a world of difference.

LongWalksAtSunrise · 2022-12-08T23:27:22+00:00

I hear you brother. I usually respond to what I want to respond to and ignore the rest. If it’s important enough create a new message with specific subject. Focus on issues related to the kids. Never ever read OFW at night before bed. Remember whatever you write will be used against you in court.

X-0A · 2022-12-09T15:40:20+00:00

My lawyer said only respond with “yes” “No” and “I will get back with you”

I didn’t listen. Got hit with a stupid contempt of court for saying she’s dumb. 😒

WartimeDad · 2022-12-08T23:01:03+00:00

Yeah I hate it too for the same reason. She will always lump 5 different convos into the same thread so that then you can’t go find the ridiculous bull shit she said when shit hits the fan.

I do try to compartmentalize responses. Recently I copied her message and repeated it into a new thread with appropriate title. Then was like “I copied your response here below and my responses are directly after.”

I put You state: “shit she said.” My response: place my response here.

It required a computer because the phone app doesn’t let you copy and paste. And I had to be sure to make clear what she said and I said.

Obviously I don’t do this often but when it’s about something that has potential to become a dumpster fire, I take this approach.

Title	OFW pro tips?
Author	4rdfun
Upvotes	6
Comments	5
Date	December 8, 2022 8:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zgba9s/ofw_pro_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ofw-pro-tips.1142405 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142405

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