Long time reader, finally have the courage to post. I essentially left my home on July 24, 2024 at 3AM after a particularly nasty argument at 1:30AM. She works the afternoons and I work the mornings (I get up at 4AM M-F) and she comes home when she’s upset to wake me up and argue, waking up the kids in the process. This time she decided to go through my phone again and found a search for a lawyer in my history. I usually have to sanitize my phone daily to prevent this type of argument.

I left that night and the next day I took clothes for work and some things to get by. I had every intent to get a lawyer right away, but held back until the following Monday. She flipped out on me over that weekend and threatened to report me to my company’s HR and Special Investigations divisions. I retained a lawyer that Monday but haven’t filed yet.

My sons 17 and 10 don’t have a great relationship with her and the older one blames me for staying with her even though she constantly yells at us and we all have to walk on eggshells to not make her mad. It’s doesn’t matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m not romantic. I don’t do enough around the house. I buy myself and the kids stuff but not her.

I’m sorry I’m ranting but I’ve been sleeping in my office and car for almost two weeks. I know I need to have the lawyer file, but she’s also not accepting the fact that I want a divorce. I get constant calls and messages from her to work it out. I can’t. We’ve been to multiple bouts of therapy. I always apologize for everything. She’s constantly accusing me of cheating (I never have) and tracks my every move via Find my iPhone.

The major pressure is coming from my 17 year old that wants me to take him and his brother away from her right now. I keep telling him that there’s a process for this.

Apologies for the rant, I just feel so alone in this and I’ve been really emotional. I feel homeless and I’ve been reading so many things that make it seem like even though she is how she is and the kids don’t want much to do with her and we make decent money each (100k and 150k) that I won’t be able to survive.

Once I clam down and things seem less bleak I’ll give more updates.