Location: California

Child: 9 year old daughter

Ex has two other kids with two other men.

Very high conflict.

Last modification: May/2025 and June/2025

Court ordered exchange location: Police Department

We have 50/50 for summer and holidays. School year is 70/30 split. I recently moved to area where my ex lives just prior to the modification since I had just obtained a job where I could move close.

The past 9 years have been hell. We go to court every year just about because my daughters mom decides to just stop following the court order and/or when I moved I requested a modification.

In May we were both court ordered to be pleasant to one another, use an app to communicate, and not make any disparaging remarks.

Ex asked for a finding of domestic violence against me due to I typically have to call the cops due to safety issues or she sometimes just doesn’t show up to the exchange with our daughter, judge denied that request. He pretty much denied everything she asked for.

After the modification suddenly she wanted to go to Disneyland with our daughter and her children. We went on several other trips.

I was hoping that would lead to the both of us coming up with a better school year schedule. She also allowed extra time with my daughter here and there.

That all came to an end around October. Since October she has called me names, and made disparaging statements about 27 times via messages.

Lately shes also been doing this thing where she messages that she’s at the exchange location but doesn’t actually show up until after the 15 minute grace period.

Heres a couple of examples:

During the government shutdown I was helping her take all 3 of her kids to school for a couple weeks. Her older son goes to high school in a different city and that’s about an hour round trip. My fuel tank was getting low and I asked my ex for the gas money she said she would give me. I only asked for it because I was dropping off and picking up her son twice a day and that’s 22 miles round trip every day.

She got upset and subsequently accused me of not helping her then banned me from taking her kids to school. Somehow this led to her calling me names and then accusing me of having no friends.

The next week she asked again if I could take our daughter and her other kids to school but found something frivolous to get upset over and banned me again from taking them to school and also stated she wouldn’t let me see my daughter any extra time.

A couple weeks ago, our daughter had a cold, she had prescription cough medicine. When we went to exchange our daughter I forgot to send the medicine. I quickly tried to resolve the issue and drove back to the police department but her mom refused and threatened to contact her attorney if I didn’t drive to her house. I remained at the PD and so she said her attorney would be contacting me. (Still haven’t heard from her attorney)

Then fast forward to yesterday, Sunday, I purchased our daughter a special outfit for her school‘s Christmas Carol event for next Saturday. I notified her mom of the outfit so she knew why my daughter would be showing up with a bag of clothes and shoes.

My ex asked me if I could take my daughter to her house because she was out grocery shopping. I kindly informed my Ex that I would exchange our daughter at the court ordered location. She then stated she wouldn’t be able to make it within the grace period and I informed her I would wait the 15 minute grace period. She then threatened to call the police If I don’t wait for her to get there. I informed her I would be waiting until she got there.

so she gets there and starts recording me and rushes our daughter as I’m trying to help her out her sweatshirt on and handing her the shopping bag with her outfit,

Dummy me, I had left my car keys on top of that shopping bag and they fell in. As soon as my ex left the parking lot, I got a notification my key fob left the vehicle.

I tried contacting her to ask for her to turn around because my car key was in the shopping bag. She told me I would have to wait until she had time to come back. Meanwhile I have my daughters and my two dogs in my truck, I was Stranded in the parking lot, my parents who live an hour away are the only ones with backup keys to my house and my vehicle.

I gave It 30 minutes.

I didn’t want to but I called the non emergency line for the Police and asked if they could contact my ex to return the keys and to conduct a civil stand by. She returned the keys after the police called her.

Now I know some people are going to say why don’t you just go to her house when she asks. Heres why I don’t do that anymore, she has constant meltdowns. She also works in law enforcement and has weapons that I have no way to defend myself against.

I just don’t find it a smart idea to be her house, where she is having a meltdown, has access to weapons. There’s a reason why we exchange at the police department and that’s what I asked for in court due to her behavior.

Im at a point where I just don’t know what to do. It’s only been 6 months since the last modification so it may be too early to head back to court.

Do I file a modification? Do I just keep documenting all of these bizarre meltdowns? Do I file a DVRO?

*Edit for context: She also banned me twice from attending my daughter’s birthday causing my daughter to beg her to let me attend. The reason she banned me was because the week prior, my Ex asked if I could pickup my daughter and my exs younger son and watch them at my house. The younger son didn’t want to bring his backpack, my ex got upset that he didn’t do his homework. So that resulted in getting banned from our daughter’s birthday party. Then she said I could go after our daughter begged her, then banned me 20 minutes later because I kindly asked her to not cause drama at the birthday party. Then allowed me to attend after my daughter begged her. Then on my way to the party asked if I could pickup the birthday cake which I did. This is just literally psychotic.