Hi, my goal is to log out for two weeks, maybe a little longer. I need to take a break and clear my head, and I'm seeking some advice.

There are a few things about my ex that still have a hold on me even after our separation. I'm constantly paranoid and nervous that she's always watching me. I feel anxious about what she might think after she saw something I posted about a family member. Eventually, I might seek someone to talk to to overcome the control and fear she had over me for years. I deleted my post because she scares me.

My ex still has control over me regarding my children. During our first separation, she took the children away from me, but this time things have been mostly amicable, despite some minor pettiness here and there. Communication has always been an issue, even after we separated. When we were living together, I could only talk to her when she wanted to. Unfortunately, on some days when I had a rough day and just wanted to relax with the family, I would delay important conversations— I know that's immature of me.

I often felt like a punching bag for my ex. I was a punching bag, worried my oldest would take over that role.

She manipulated me into believing I was ungrateful and a bad person, as well as isolating me from family and friends. I've burned many bridges over the years, and I acknowledge that it's my own fault.

Financially, she accused me of taking her money. We had worked together, co-signing loans and helping each other out when finances were tight. She never wanted to cooperate on creating savings or a budget; money was often splurged on herself. Towards the end of our marriage, she became upset with the lack of money to spend on herself. Now I worry that she left without realizing all the bills I was paying behind the scenes. Unlike my current situation where my parents can help, it’s unclear if her family is providing the same support. This makes me anxious about whether my children have certain necessities.

My ex’s behavior is concerning. She won't go outside, watches TV in her underwear, and often ignores the children. I'm particularly worried about my youngest, who has new medical issues requiring specialists. While I wasn't focused on the first weeks of separation, I started to prioritize these matters when my ex mentioned the specialists. I've noticed that my youngest has been able to accomplish more with me by the end of the week than when I first had them.

During our first separation, my child was neglected and left in a dirty diaper with soiled clothes. My ex-family member is on medication that makes them drowsy and affects their cognition, and there have been instances of them falling asleep while the youngest is crying in the crib. Now, with the new medical condition my ex-family member has, my ex can no longer rely on her family to watch the children. Additionally, my ex refuses to let my family, who are retired and home all the time, help with the kids. When my ex has her family member watch over my youngest, my child often has a rash when I pick them up.

Communication with my ex is lacking; she doesn’t inform me about her work schedule or which days she wants to have the children. She's even stopped telling me when she plans to bring them back and has been making up lies lately.

My ex appears to be jealous of the relationship I have with our children. Recently, she has been trying to become an “all-star mom” and schedules all the extracurricular events during her time, reschedules medical appointments I make according to her convenience, and mainly on days she has the children.

Do you go together with your ex to activities for the children?

On a side note, I think a neighbor is interested in me as she keeps texting me. However, I am not in a place to date right now, though I do want to in the future. I’ve realized that my ex still has a grip on me, and I need to break free. It’s going to take time to get stronger.

I plan to file with the Court. Have some upcoming expenses that I have to pay, and then head to the Court to file when I can pay the fees.

I'm going to take a break, and I appreciate anyone who has listened.