Entry #1

Entry #2

I've finalized the paperwork for renting an apartament nearby and started moving my things. I will sleep the first night there tomorrow. I've already met the neighbors and had some conversations with them. Good stuff. I am keeping my teenage kids in the loop about the details of me moving out.

My stbx avoidant wife is living her life as nothing happens. This hurts, but I know that that's exactly how avoidants process things. It is important to me to let her go in my head. I know that if I were relying on the hope that she would somehow magically, after all those years of acting like a textbook avoidant, come to her senses, I would be setting myself up for failure.

Mentally I am torn apart. I am happy that I am moving on. On the other side, I am grieving the end of our relationship. And then there are the children. On the surface all seems to be fine with them, but I am sure that there's still a lot that they will need to process.

I had a talk with my 16-year-old recently. We're spending even more time together now than before the separation announcement, and he wants us to go on a lot more trips over the holidays. It brings me a lot of joy.

I'm actually grateful that my children are in their teens already. I imagine it would've been so much harder if they were younger.

This will be a tough week. Probably the second toughest after the separation announcement one. I've read a lot in this subreddit about how the silence of an empty apartment can be frightening. And I believe that I should not fight it with keeping myself extremely busy - I will find time on spending time in silence, practicing mindfulness and taking care of my nervous/somatic system.

Take care everyone. There are stories here from time to time that say that it gets better with time - and I sure believe it will be the same for me.