I [47m] moved out of the house in March 2023 to go to alcoholic rehab. I moved into a sober living house after a month and was there for another 5 months when I decided to file for divorce. Note: while at sober living, I spent every evening at home until 9:45 and was very present.

When I filed and rented my own place, we told my son (now 10.5, then 8) that we were choosing to live separately. My STBXW was adamant that we wait to tell him more.

We had been sleeping in separate beds since 3/2020 and the move out didn’t seem to provoke too much emotion given that it was at the end of 6 months of my treatment.

We start meditation in Tuesday. In early June, I sent an email to my STBXW that we should disclose and she VERY angrily refused. In early July, I followed up and asked the same thing and she has not responded.

My hope was that we’d have time for him to work through feelings during the Summer, but now we’re a week from school.

My divorce attorney says I just tell him, she believes he already knows (which I agree with, he’s a savvy kid). Not to be one sided or say anything dishonest but just to acknowledge what he already suspects.

I am open to doing that but I am hesitant to do so non-collaboratively and just as we start meditation. But i also believe we have done our son a disservice and that, in hindsight, should have done so upon filing in Fall 2023.

Thoughts?

Note: I have 28 months sober, completed the steps with a sponsor and attend meetings regularly. I have not relapsed since rehab.

Also since I rented my place 23 months ago, I have had my son 50%+ and I’m invoked in all aspects of his life.