I’ve just hit 4 months of separation, still waiting to be served paperwork. Here’s what is currently working for me:

I went completely no-contact and blocked her on everything. Only communicated via text on Mondays to confirm logistical stuff. Started strength training twice a week, walked 1.5 hours a day, went to a psychotherapist once a week, deleted the social media apps off my phone and only scrolled on Sundays. I read books and played video games and went to the movies a bunch. I also set myself a reasonable goal to save a certain amount of money and I’m hitting it.

I let myself feel everything and I cried whenever I felt like it. I didn’t try to numb or avoid, I just went into my room and sobbed multiple times a day. I also journaled everything I felt right after I cried.

The first month, I sobbed at least twice a day for about 10 minutes. The second month, it was once every 1-2 days. The third month, it’s been maybe once a week. I’m on month four and I haven’t cried since the beginning of September.

I have a lot of clarity about certain areas of my marriage, and a lot of peace about the areas of ambiguity. This could just be a lull and maybe something worse is coming, but I feel well and I wasn’t expecting to feel this well so soon.

TL;DR It’ll get better if you’re consistent with little things and let yourself feel the pain without trying to escape. Suffering doesn’t mean anything, but it can be a door to better things.