Third Filing for Contempt in 10mo

So I did it, third run on constructive contempt. The previous two were for violations of our Temporary Domestic Order in our Domestic case. Basically she traveled interstate with our child several times, contrary to what the order said. Motions were never heard, but her previous lawyer did reply, 2x. Probably cost her 6k$. No other penalties.

Today's filing probably has some teeth. It's for direct interference in ordered visitation. I'm currently under a TPO that has been continued 2x, needlessly - it's trash, they know they'll lose but they come up with every excuse in the book to get the emergency continuance - including her 'see you next Tuesday's' lawyer's marriage interrupting her ability to prepare for the hearing. Seriously, she put in her filing that she was distracted and basically wasnt emotionally ready for trial. How the hell is that relevant?! Also said she forgot to subpoena her witnesses (who are worthless and know nothing, anyway) and it seemed she was claiming she didn't know how to subpoena. Judge seemed annoyed and while he granted their continuance, he sua sponte granted me supervised visitation 2x per week for 2hr each time, she's to pay for half - I used to have 35% overnights. I haven't seen our daughter in 70 days now. Horrible!

Anyway, you guessed it - child's mother has come up with every excuse in the book(I can't miss work, our child is in daycare, etc) to not bring our daughter to the supervision center. Refused all weekends. So far I have missed 6 visits with our daughter with no end in sight.

So, enjoy the contempt motion, bish! I do legitimately have some empathy that she is getting hammered by me in the courts(50k+ in legal fees in the last 12mo) but at the same time, she is absolutely bringing it on herself. What is wrong with these women such that they think daycare (for 10hr per day, no less) > dad? I pay this woman almost 2k/mo in CS and haven't missed any payments. I put logic in my filing that this is worse than me skipping child support and the court should at least punish this person as they would me if I didn't pay CS.

[–]Vokenhagen21 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (13 children) | Copy Link

How come there were no penalties for violating the domestic order? And how the hell does a judge grant 2 continuances? Its an order of protection hearing, not a custody battle. At some point a judge has gotta say enough. The day before my hearing my lawyer submitted an emergency motion to get my ex sanctioned and give me full custody of the kids. It may not do much, But it at least gets all the lies and what shes been doing in front of the judge. Im claiming she used the DV court and TOP to circumvent family court where our matter belongs. And that shes using the TOP to gatekeep the children from me. The TOP even got screwed up and didnt mention how id get the children without violating the order because the little one sits at home all day with her.

Youre judge seems to be awfully lenient to your ex, and the extensions are something your ex should see through. What in the hell did she claim in the petition? I guess i got lucky there because as soon as i saw mine i figured it was the flimsiest one that ever got approved. Even the hearing officer sounded like he regretted approving it in the first place. Hopefully your contempt motion really does do something this go around. And hope you have a positive outcome Where are you located if you dont mind sharing?

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Second response: the judge in this matter has never actually had a hearing with any of us, it's her hearing officer who hears everything for her. Lawyers have also quietly told me during consults that she's terrible and you don't want her ruling on anything. When I have previously said judge, I'm referring to the HO. The actual judge assigned though is patently incompetent as the lawyers have suggested. On abnormal motions/filings, she takes over 90 days to rule if she even does at all (she didn't on my prior contempts). And rest assured, she will cite every time in her reply that she doesnt have to hold a trial of the matter. And I am completely certain that as a result of our litigation last year, she got confused who was who - I was a counter petitioner but she seemed to think my filings were actually my ex, so when I won she thought my ex won. She awarded my ex some of her attorneys fees. She's so incompetent that while she intended to award her half, with what she wrote, she awarded her only a quarter. Hilarious error.

I tried in several followup filings to show her that hey, you're wrong and tons of caselaw says you're wrong to award attorneys fees here - even if she did win, there's no compelling reason to even award her attorneys fees. Judge replied with "motion not well received" and another paper she struck on the deadline to reply because I attached some caselaw to it - apparently violating a silly local rule in the process that says you cannot attach caselaw to a filing, only reference it. There's caselaw that says substantial justice is more important than following local rules.... lol... let's violate due process with this guy.

[–]Vokenhagen21 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Good god thats even worse than what i thought. A judge so bad no one wants her to rule on anything? My brother in christ. My ex filed for temp orders in january, since then theres been a motion to remove the room mate, use OFW, mediation for custody, GAL, and now my emergency. The only things ruled on were my motions for OFW and mediation.

Im just praying i dont have to pay her attorney fees but here the income disparity means its probable. And the entire court system knows this scumbag just milks both parties for the fees. They hate this guy, but its who the ex chose. Theu send letters just to send letters. Dude actually said they oppose mediation!! Then they changed their mind!! Then sent a motion for GAL before mediation. Does she know its against the law to mediate in bad faith? Who does this crap? My idiot ex who thinks shes got a blank check, thats who.

Im praying shell get sanctioned for trying to use DV court, but who the hell knows. Pretty sure spending all the money on lawyers is not in the best interest of the kids. And all because i want 50/50. Good fucking grief

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Changing ones mind regarding a position is a violation of judicial estoppel doctrine. It's an ethics violation to milk fees.

Ex and her attorney should be sanctioned in your case. Will they? Probably not. Unfortunately this system just wants to eat us and doesn't actually care. While I am riding high at the moment, my contempt motion will probably also go nowhere. Same with your emergency motion.

Will you have to pay her attorneys fees? There's a ton of caselaw on that. Have to fulfill the factors in the law to even award it. Since you will probably win (5050) and have an attorney, you probably won't have to pay her fees. Fee awards are somewhat rare. I am pretty sure the judge only ordered it in my case because she secretly just wants men to lose (she's a leftist, I'm shocked she doesn't have purple hair) and it made her mad that I was able to kick so much ass in court as a pro se.

[–]Vokenhagen21 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Vokenhagen21 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Vokenhagen21 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Vokenhagen21 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, i feel eaten already. Her lawyer is known for throwing everything at the wall just to see what sticks. I have her on camera talking to her law office on how to fill out the petition. And actually going to their office for tips. Its why my lawyer wont do the back and forth with them. Theres no point so were not even making a settlement offer, waste of time and money. According to my lawyer, our judge decides things based on which way the wind is blowing.

Ive resigned myself to taking everything they throw at me and getting to court. The ex keeps trying to maintain the status quo for the kids, and shoving a parenting plan thats less than 80/20 down my throat. I wish i could just get this woman out of my life and send her back to her family. Shes going to get a good payout for where we are, i just want my kids since i can actually make 50/50 work these days.

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

We're making similar arguments and experiencing very similar things- theyre bringing domestic matters into DV court. Literally some of my ex's exhibits are my previous filings in domestic matters that have already been ruled on - I noted in my filings that these violate the res judicata doctrine/collateral estoppel because theyre trying to get a different ruling on an issue that's been decided. The first continuance was granted because the judge saw the list of exhibits (theirs 15, mine 20+) and witnesses (6 people, 5 of them no nothing about this "abuse" and several I haven't seen or spoken to for a year). "I don't have time to hear all of this today, we will schedule a half day for it". After giving them safe harbor, I filed a civil rule 11 sanction motion on it because the contention could be heard in 30 minutes, it's false and this person wasn't abused, they just put this shit in there to get a continuance, 90% of their exhibits aren't admissible.

One of the exhibits is an ex parte motion for temp full custody that I filed last year when she took off to presumably Mexico (she still has never told me where she went, I dont care anyway - I live in a state on the Mexico border) for a week long vacation with her equal partner and was leaving our 3yo with her friend for the week. I took our child out of daycare and kept her out for a week while she was gone - she used this instance to basically claim I abducted our child from her friend "with threats of force" in her petition for a PO. That's some of the "abuse". Your friend doesn't have legal custody, you idiot!!! - regardless of whether ROFR is in our parenting plan, your friend cannot keep our child from me for a week when you're literally not here. She's continued to this day to insist she had the authority to designate her friend as her equivalent. Her friend also wouldn't accept my calls either, disrupting my contact. I was totally in the right for what I did. This friend hates me, she cursed out a process server of mine last year when I subpoenad her.

The second part of the abuse has to do with an encounter back in Feb with her boyfriend. The guy tried to run me off the road and then started tailgating me. Feeling threatened(these people stalked my properties last fall, I filed for POs on them - denied), I slowed down to turn off the road and he ran into me with my ex in the passenger seat of his car. Police and insurance company found him at fault. I got a PO on him to stick for this. The same "evidence" is now being used against me to claim I caused him to run into me and my child was added to the PO because she directly claimed that our child may be injured as I try to physically harm her mother. I have since learned (via finding studies that show children become collateral damage in DV situations and that's the basis for DV-convictions minimizing the perp's custody) that argument is an "educated legal position" that would persuade a judge to grant the PO - meaning her attorney actually wrote the petition for her. It was typed and the writing style/grammatical errors were the same as what I had previously seen from her attorney. I have been meaning to throw it into some kind of algorithm to tell me the probability that the same groups of writing were by the same person but haven't gotten around to it. Not that it'd matter anyway.

[–]Vokenhagen21 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Jesus. Your ex and her attorney are a piece of work. Hell just the shit that has happened to you makes me wonder how in the hell a TOP against me was even considered for a credit card. All the lying has to be exhausting. Its also gotta be exhausting to be sitting on all this evidence and not getting a chance to use it.

Im also on the border, and i had my room mate, “the stranger” testify. My kids call him tio, and when the opposing lawyer asked he said yes, hes their uncle. The lawyer started hemming and hawing about not being blood related. The hearing officer stopped him and told us that his kids call his best friend tio and the dude considers himself their uncle. The whole room got quiet and the witness was excused. The ex tried to use the emotional distress card saying she lost 20 pounds since filing. When my lawyer questioned her she said “as i understand youve lost 80 lbs since your grandma died?” The combative ex goes “its 60 lbs!!!” Silent room again.

Like i said im guess im lucky there were no claims of violence. But im even luckier that i have the room mate, as those claims would never fly with a witness around. Considering your judge, and the lack of penalties so far, you think the parental alienation will do the trick? I ask because my ex, the moron who filed a motion for GAL before we did custody mediation, and i havent even gotten a family court date yet. Im just tired of her lawyers bullshit, hes not in it to help his client, and want to find something with teeth on it as well. My problem is my best move it seems like is to get a court date.

[–]CRobinsFly[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It makes exactly zero sense that the "financial abuse" claim resulted in a TPO against you. Judges however will just grant them because vagina.

The key with contempt is to address the three elements - awareness, willfulness and the actual violation itself. I probably didn't do a good job on my first two motions for that, now it's very clear. Ultimately contempt convictions in some states actually result in custody exchanges. Especially if you can get a finding of parental alienation - AI indicates that a finding of parental alienation will result in essentially permanent custody penalties for the alienator, because duh, parental alienation is child abuse. And what's the final attack method for an alienator? A PO limiting all contact. It's shocking to me that the court system still buys the silver bullet and doesn't warn them that it will be used against them if it was being arbitrarily filed.

Understood, and thats why i was asking your thoughts. Alienation is most definitely child abuse, and thats something the courts should take more seriously than the silver bullet. Amd that is something your ex is most definitely doing. I dont think my ex would actually do that, but the way the TOP came out it sure looked like it. She had something in the petition about me getting “visitation” during the TOP, but it amounted to 24 hours with no overnight and no details on exchanges. Then her lawyer tried to cover her ass with a letter offering times. My lawyer said we arent fucking responding to that because i am not a visitor and no overnights is bs.

Like i said, my emergency motion most likely wont go anywhere. But pulling the dumb DV nonsense gets the stuff about my clearance and gate keeping the kids from in front of the judge.

[–]Helpful-Paramedic463 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Third Filing for Contempt in 10mo
Author	CRobinsFly
Upvotes	18
Comments	15
Date	May 17, 2025 12:19 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kog0hh/third_filing_for_contempt_in_10mo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/third-filing-for-contempt-in-10mo.1552385 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552385

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