In the past couple of weeks, I received an unexpected call from my former spouse (divorced after 21 years/ teenage children). She was facing a problem related to one of our children, a situation that seemed intertwined with issues she had struggled with for most of her life. As we delved into her dilemma, it became clear that her current predicament was not just about our child; it was a reflection of her unresolved past.

The more we discussed it, the more I felt like I was back in my old marriage. Anxiety started creeping in, as if I were experiencing a light version of PTSD. I remembered how I used to handle such situations—by staying engaged, offering unwavering emotional support, and never letting go. But then, a moment of clarity struck me. None of those past issues had ever been truly resolved, and my constant support had come at the cost of my own identity.

With a deep breath, I made a difficult choice. I decided to conclude the conversation, to detach myself from the emotional whirlwind that had once consumed me. As we parted ways, a lingering sense of guilt weighed on me.

Now, I find myself facing a profound question: Do I still owe her my time and the same level of emotional support I once gave her? The dilemma lies in the fact that the old version of emotional support had nearly cost me my identity, and I can't afford to lose myself again.

This incident has left me at a crossroads, searching for a balance between supporting someone I used to love and preserving the newfound identity I've worked so hard to rebuild. It's a journey where I must redefine boundaries and prioritize self-care, as I navigate the complexities of post-divorce co-parenting.

What are your thoughts?