Well, it's time.

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-17T13:10:06+00:00

There is no jurisdiction where she can simply take your daughter and move. It's your daughter too, so either she is willing to do coparenting (which you don't mention) or she simply thinks her dissatisfaction means you don't get to be a father either or that your fatherhood is simply something to be permitted at her discretion.

bind91324 · 2024-12-17T07:43:04+00:00

Divorce often leaves both parties worse off., than trying to fix a broken marriage.

Antique_Wedding_8858 · 2024-12-17T07:28:08+00:00

Oh yeah. We got into a similar discussion after 16 years and 8 years of marriage, two separations and 4 kids. We’re crazy to have let this go on so long but that passion was just so strong when we were young. We ALSO moved out of our home state for financial reasons. Then the relationship became so wild with no family around. In the earlier years it was like that, i worked a lot and she felt like a I didn’t love her and was planning on leaving. She stayed and it felt like she was cheating with a guy from church, I tried to send her to school and so many jobs. Nothing made her happy but after I thought she was having a relationship, my solution was to turn to my faith, Catholicism, it worked and we stopped birth control.

But after a while everything I did is abuse, she started reading these books about abuse, some of it is wild stuff. Some of it valid, but eventually it was all my fault, but church community worked and we had 3 more kids. Well then 4 kids a big house, cars and all that got us pay check to pay check, u started stressing so bad i didn’t sleep because i couldn’t see the end in sight of any type of retirement. My woman is different, when she feels like i don’t want her she just takes the kids and vanishes for months. Nothing i can do.

She recently vanished out of state with all four kids over an argument about her being lazy and not trying to help at all. Which is ironic because now when i file for divorce she’ll have to get a job and she is hiding the kids in California somewhere.

She’ll claim abuse I’m sure once I file. I WOULD let her have everything before and it prolongs their delusions.

So my advice is get counseling if you really really love her to where it’s going to ache for months, mess up your health and your work. I would do what I can to communicate with her and even make some self improvements!!

BECAUSE the shit you say and feel when you have them around 24/7 is NOT how it feels when they leave. When it comes to reality that you cannot just walk into your kids room and see them safe and happy. Its a soul crush you thought you could deal with before.

Sorry for the rant, I’m going through it and i completely regret just ignoring her leaving. But its easier now that I’m older. Also it is EXTREMELY painful to loose children under 7. Not saying I don’t miss them all but the crying, begging, pain in the chest must come from some sort of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin mix or something you get that evolution made to keep little ones alive.

Sleeveless_N_Seattle · 2024-12-17T07:02:01+00:00

You have to nurture the spark between you, otherwise that fire dies. People grow and change but it’s important to wake up and choose to love each other every day. Do you think it’s too late for therapy?

Either way it sucks. It’s going to hurt. Find a reliable friend or family member (or two) to vent to.

Reflect, grieve, and grow from this. Right now you’re probably in a bit of shock but keep your head on. You have a daughter to protect and raise. Be present in her life and model good behaviors.

Title	Well, it's time.
Author	Hefty_Bend_248
Upvotes	11
Comments	7
Date	December 17, 2024 5:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hg44p5/well_its_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/well-its-time.1538750 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538750

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