TL/DR: Told my wife I want a divorce, but weeks have gone by with nothing from the lawyer. I know divorces take months, but how am I supposed to handle living in the same house with an angry wife when I shouldn't move out of the family home? And how much am I supposed to be bugging the lawyer about the status of my case?

The story: I filed my divorce intake paperwork with my attorney 4 weeks ago. Nothing has happened since then, except 2 weeks ago my credit card was charged for the retainer. The lawyer's secretary hadn't answered my emails checking in on things, so I called last week and found out that the lawyer has been dealing with a family issue. They hadn't started on my file yet, and the lawyer would contact me when he's ready.

Fair enough. However, I'm looking at a month of inaction from the lawyer and wondering if maybe I made a bad choice and should get a refund and start with a different lawyer. I know I should be patient, but in the meantime I--probably mistakenly--leveled with my wife and told her that I definitely wanted a divorce. It's not a complete surprise, because a year ago I told her I wanted a legal separation but then backed down, and since then I had been purposely ambiguous about my wants and plans. (I'm a "Nice Guy" in Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy.)

I'm in a mess, because one of the main reasons I want a divorce is that she has been emotionally abusive for years. (This in addition to a DB.) Basically, I told her now because I didn't want to continue dealing with her badgering me about all the things about myself that she says I'm supposed to fix. I just want to get away from her. But I don't want to move out right away, because I pay all of the mortgage, and apparently anyway the advice is not to abandon the home or it puts you at a disadvantage with regard to property division. (We live in a community property state--does that make a difference? It's a question for my lawyer, but who knows how long it will be before I can talk to him!)

I guess I should have kept everything under wraps until papers were ready to be served. But it's too late for that. So now I'm trapped in here with a verbal bully, can't leave, and I don't know when (or if!) the lawyer is ever going to do anything.

What should I do? Thanks--