Why did you marry?

Tiger8438 · 2019-04-26T15:40:47+00:00

Social / family expectations
Wanted kids
Came from 2 parent [mf] home
Committed to the relationship

20+ Years later (still married, but not sure it will last), 2 kids [18f, 13m], we've both changed. Neither of us [46m/45f] are the same. Life challenges changed us. Expected changes didn't happen and unexpected changes did. There are some physical/emotional/mental issues we've had to contend with and that has put the 2nd biggest strain on our future. The biggest is that common interests are limited to parenting and that's about it.

I would do it all again and don't regret anything. We've had (despite the challenges) a great life together. Awesome kids. Nothing to complain about. But if it doesn't last, I don't know that I would remarry.

If I get to the age where my hygiene depends on Depends, it's time to ... go.

anakun · 2019-04-26T07:10:17+00:00

This time around I remarried because I thought she was of like mind. I thought that we were good for each other. 13 years later and here I am in the beginning stages of the end. The ride has had its ups and downs. I believe that she thinks there is something to save. I am at this point mitigating damage as we move forward. I will not ever remarry even if she has three times my income. You will survive divorce and I have no reasons to give you to support remarriage. If you are looking for the cons you will have to message me direct as I will not leave my negativity on this subreddit.

Mespatche · 2019-04-26T19:05:50+00:00

I wanted kids, and to create a better family than the cold dysfunctional one I was raised in. We met in College, she was 18 & I was 21. We have been together 25 years, married almost 19. We had a very good life together, we both worked, travelled, Had 2 kids now 14F and 13M, 2 homes (1 a country house). By and large they were very good years, magic all really, and it really pains me to see it end. About a year and a half ago she turned on me. Evil overnight. I caught her in an affair with a married Ex. She tells me she never stopped loving him and never will. Keep in mind, He won't leave his wife and 3 kids for her. SMH.

We've been co parenting and living In separate parts of the house for the kids sake, but they are getting older, and a health scare my son had when this all happened has passed. I'm slowly working my way out of this marriage trying to get her to do this amicably, while quietly setting myself up for my life afterwards. I'm trying to be the bigger person, because I still have to deal with her because of the kids, and she will still be family vis a vis the kids even after divorce. Wish me luck on that one! I had given this thing my all and was totally unprepared for this. One of the first things I did was get a vasectomy. For 3 reasons:

I have 2 healthy, well adjusted intelligent kids, and at 45 am not looking to start over. At my age the age range of women I am dating are all starting to hear that clock ticking LOUDLY!.
I did not want the STBX getting herself pregnant to keep me around (We have had sex several times (I know, but I'm a guy) since this all happened.
And this is BIG! I've known several guys (12, I counted) Who were getting divorced (80% of the cases because of stuff the wife did) and ended up knocking up the new GF before the ink was even dry on the divorce. Some had nowhere else to go and shacked up with a woman. Some were lonely, some were just horny and off the leash. In almost all cases the story was the same "The doctor days I can't have kids", "I'm on the pill, come in me all you want", and bingo pregnant a month later. Only about 2 of these guys did it intentionally and I believe that in both cases (These guys were real family men) they were trying to re-create what they lost to ease the pain. Now all of these guys are exhausted, broke, and catching shit from both ends. The Ex wife gives them shit for not spending enough time and money on the previous kids. The new wife resents having to take care of the former kids when he has them, the money pit the former family is on their resources, and is always suspicious of any interaction the guy has with the ex, even if it is unavoidable. These guys are broken shells of their former selves and their new marriages dont look any happier than their last ones.

robert108 · 2019-04-27T07:23:29+00:00

cause no one told me the truth

Jadedclone · 2019-04-27T21:50:23+00:00

She was hot, good in bed, came from a good family, had a good job and we had fun together. And I wanted kids that came from a stable home.

Fast fwd to now: dead bedroom, different values, bad with money, different philosophy on some aspects of child rearing, constant insults.

The philosophical differences are the deal killer. And the insults. And I’m not without blame.

Would I remarry if I get divorced? Maybe. With an iron clad prenup. I’d never Financial expose or tether myself again.

Azzaphox · 2019-04-28T08:31:53+00:00

I am very interested to see soneone who felt compelled to divorce without there being some big factor like abuse or infidelity. Yes I guess it is disruptive for your kids but if you need to move on, then well.

QuitWhyyyning · 2019-04-29T21:31:42+00:00

I was young and stupid. I will never ever get married again. Even girlfriends only make it a couple of months before they start trying to control me. E.g. That guy keeps looking at me, I don’t like your friends, you should do ,x,y,z, you don’t want pizza for breakfast, (the fuck I don’t) etc. My single life is the good life!

throwaway_9876789876 · 2019-04-26T12:44:32+00:00

Got my stbx pregnant and family kinda nudged me into it. Almost 20 years later that were an adventure, I don't think I'd do it again. The tax advantage is the only benefit I see for a male breadwinner.

Title	Why did you marry?
Author	SUEDE2BLACK
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	April 26, 2019 7:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/divorce_men/comments/bhjcpc/why-did-you-marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-did-you-marry.1600027 https://theredarchive.com/post/1600027

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