I jerk off to porn. But the one mental image that makes me orgasm is the thought of my wife and the dude she was flirting with online while we were living together, fucking each other with me chained to a chair or a wall, clothed but with my dick out, and her laughing at me, ridiculing my dick and me as a whole, with my eyes stapled or taped so I'm forced to watch like in that movie a clockwork orange, and then after he cums on her and she is satisfied, they both cut my dick off, and then kill me by slicing my throat.

Now.. I don't feel any desire or interest in looking or searching for any of that shit online, and never have and never will. But when I'm looking at legal and normal stuff, this is what my brain decides to picture in order to finish.

Do I have some kind of PTSD as a result of the wife leaving me and taking the kids away? Like what is this? Is this some kind of mental disorder or am I just an asshole?