Feeling really sad about this

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-08-23T08:56:22+00:00

I think pretty much every human being who has lived long enough has some regrets about wasting their 'good' years -- because of that relationship that went nowhere, that job that was really shitty, that drug/alcohol they used to numb their feelings, that weird cult they joined thinking it would make them happy, etc.

Rather than being sad about it, you'd be better off trying to understand why you ended up as an incel (were you depressed? Did you lack social skills and confidence?). Once you figure out what got you there, work on yourself and try to muster some courage to brave this (inarguably) fucked up world. Sadness and nostalgia, although perfectly normal emotions, are also a waste of time. In a way, you are still in that vicious circle, just the backdrop changed.

So try to be more active in both your social life and in terms of your career and hobbies. Put yourself out there knowing that you'll get bitch-slapped every once in a while (as we all do!), but that it doesn't really matter in a long run (not to mention, the more you get 'hurt' the less painful it will be). Sorry if this sounds depressing, but there is a pay-off to it. Somebody smarter than me once said that you should consider people who mistreat you or make you feel shitty as a kind of tax for all the nice people who come to your life. It's well worth paying.

daria1994 · 2021-08-23T06:19:27+00:00

What in particular are you sad about?

vcreativ · 2021-08-23T16:41:14+00:00

That's fine. Makes sense. It's ok to be sad about that.

When it comes to wasting time. So long as you're moving towards something, and this can be anything, you're not wasting your time, even if you're not getting with the girls or whatever.

As soon as you establish an internal value structure you'll realise that girls missing from your life isn't a catastrophy, may it seem like one right now.

Currently you seem to be attributing the lack of validation you're receiving from women as an indication of self-worth. Since women pick up on this sort of thing like hawks, you're basically stuck in a negative feedback loop when approaching anyone.

The key is to find another gateway to validation by real people in the real world. So find a career path, work on yourself, get involved in the community. Put yourself in a position where others appreciate you for what you do for them, i.e. a community center, teaching kids, whatever. Take responsibility for yourself and for others. Hell, find a therapist and have a good chat.

Do that for a while. You'll meet some interesting people. Not one minute of it will be wasted. Most importantly, through others you'll change the way you see yourself.

Title	Feeling really sad about this
Author	Physical-Ebb4350
Upvotes	13
Comments	7
Date	August 23, 2021 4:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/p9smvm/feeling_really_sad_about_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/feeling-really-sad-about-this.1060390 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060390

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