Finding it hard to keep up the 'always happy, confident, on top of things and full of energy' facade

ciopink · 2021-03-24T01:45:25+00:00

Go to doctor/psychology Please. Read Feeling Good by David Burns Left Bread and shit-food for Brain Fog. Meet with people.

zoemondo · 2021-03-24T01:47:48+00:00

You don't have to keep up the facade.

UmamiDad · 2021-03-24T02:56:14+00:00

Who said you have to keep this up? Who said you need to pretend to be happy all the time?

I abandoned this notion of constant never ending happiness, confidence, and full of energy bullcrap a long time ago. Im not saying be negative all the time but rather here is my proposition:

What will happen if you allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that you feel on a daily basis?

In the beginning it will become very overwhelming. You will begin to notice intrusive thoughts and things you never gave a second thought about.
There will be a large mental energy deficit for the first few weeks or months.

The aim is to accept that you as a fully functional human being will go through a host of emotions irrespective of your condition or position in life. It isnt about faking your happiness or confidence...but mastering emotional management and self regulation. The point of existence is to truly understand yourself and know that everything you feel and go through in life is temporary.

Also the "Work on yourself before getting into a relationship" Is horsecrap. Yes be a better version of yourself every other day..you should aim to always improve until you are content with what you have or are in life. But you can still date, and find love..just be honest with your partner "Hey Im not perfect and I have some slight depression or whatever..are you okay with this?" I have done this numerous times in my relationships...and not a single partner has rejected me for it. Yes a few have said "I dont know if I can handle what I have and your stuff too" and that was that...we were friends and still have a blast.

If you have a mental condition then by all means don't delay and seek any help you can get. A support group of friends, therapy, psychiatry.

You should spend time to pinpoint your self worth, and value to yourself. External actions may hurt you..a woman may reject you...a boss may spite you..but when you know who you are, what you stand for, and what your own intrinsic value is to yourself..then regardless of the clamoring of the outside world...Your internal sense of self is at peace and unwavering.

Life is full of suffering, pain, happiness, pleasure...et al but the key thing to remember is that the feelings are temporary so make a habit to enjoy the Good things you come across and that add value to your life and make you smile. Discard and burn bridges of people or things that make you unhappy or add no value. And when times get tough..dont just be "tough" but be understanding with yourself, be forgiving with yourself, remind yourself that you are human and we are full of flaws and mistakes but that these hard times and mistakes do not define us, however, these hardships mold our character and sense of self. Always in the back of your mind "I may feel like shit today...but with self investment, and hard work there will be more better days than bad days". Its important to also..keep friends around even if its just one person.

If this pandemic is to give you anything..it has given you the gift of time. The time to self reflect, to become introspective, to deal with your inner self. The world has come to a near halt...this is as close as youre going to get to that imagination we used to have as a kid of "If I could stop time I would [insert xyz]" take this small opportunity and always be your genuine self..always...be genuine and authentic. Anybody who tells you to not be yourself or to not feel someway..has no idea who you are.

Venerria · 2021-03-24T02:53:29+00:00

You have the capability to accept your personal experience.

There are numerous reasons for why you have brain fog and I doubt a woman is one of those.

Are you sleeping properly, eating properly and exercising? Getting enough micro-nutrients?

I personally felt a powerful dissociation when I was clinically severely-deficient in Vitamin D.

People say to work on yourself before a relationship because you're minimising flaws and faults by doing so, however there are many things you can't actually uncover just by yourself and that's when a close friend or partner comes into play. It is a bit of a cliche to say "work on yourself".

Don't worry about trying to be too articulate, sometimes you have to say something at least to eventually articulate your thoughts clearer and more concisely. Speaking more often about your experiences or writing them down will help with that, definitely try to refine those vague thoughts into more focused and clarified thoughts.

I suggest you join the sub-reddit Discord server, the invite is pinned at the top of the sub.

throwaway1965yeahwow · 2021-03-24T08:33:14+00:00

PUA is for horny dudes wanting to rip a piece off quick. If you're after a good relationship and emotional connection (i get the vibe you do) I'd stay the hell away from PUA. Way too much overthinking involved that can drive you further into depression if you're anything like me. In my experience, being genuine gets you further. If any gals are reading then correct me if I'm wrong but most women can smell disingenuous bullshit from a mile away, and doing the super energetic, I'm always ultra happy stuff never gives off a genuine vibe.

As far as "sort yourself out" goes, I've always hated buzzphrases like that. They're so open to interpretation that if you're anything like me, you take it to an extreme. "Sort myself out? Does that mean ultimately problem free? No debt? My own home? No trouble in my life at all? All that i call bullshit on.

Everyone on here is faceless strangers, but if a stranger's advice is any good, i know that if I'm taking even small steps to better myself in even small ways, that positivity manifests in my disposition. Keep your chin up friend. You'll get there

GoodFaithSockPuppet · 2021-03-24T22:36:18+00:00

There is honesty, there are burdens, and there is emotional labor. It's a tough mix. However, However, you do not always have to appear Happy. You can have your neutral, you can have your slow, you can be human. It's okay.
You can replace confident with "Willing to learn / adapt"
You can place "On top of things and full of energy" with "Have an idea of what comes next. You just caught me on break."
You don't have to be 120% all the time. Happiness isn't even a 100% thing. It's a reward, not a state of being. It's like when you lay down at the end of the day, and the bed feels amazing.
Then, it feels less amazing as you acclimate to the relief.
It's like that.
Also PUA is bad for your soul. Stay away.

Final Thought: When it comes to a relationship? You need to have the capacity to accept love from your partner, give love to your partner, and emote gratitude. You don't have to be perfect, or "love yourself," but if someone gives you love? You need to be able to accept it. Be it as simple as a compliment, "you're pretty awesome bro" or something more complex, like the look you get from the other pillow on the bed and you feel like the world is a different place. If you cannot accept love? You are not co-mingling with another, platonic or otherwise, in good faith.

Title	Finding it hard to keep up the 'always happy, confident, on top of things and full of energy' facade
Author	Xemnas81
Upvotes	19
Comments	16
Date	March 24, 2021 1:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mbu2jb/finding_it_hard_to_keep_up_the_always_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/finding-it-hard-to-keep-up-the-always-happy.1189482 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189482

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