I'm a 21 m. Let me start by saying I've never identified with TRP. I've been aware of it, but only because my curiosity tends to take me all over when it comes to various niche reddit communities. Anways. I've been seriously not right in the head in various ways ever since the end of an incredibly draining relationship about a year ago. I was head over heels for her, but she had bad fits of manic depression where she would ghost me or at its worst intentionally try to emotionally abuse me. At first I was really stable and since I loved her, I wanted to be there for her. The high times and strong chemistry when things were good were enough to make me feel I was willing to "stick things through thick or thin". But almost without awareness of what was happening to me, it started to wear, I stayed through long distance through her return home from school to find mental health care, and her return to school even after things between us hadn't improved. I was reduced to what felt like almost nothing, and had a falling out with some of my closest friends for unrelated reasons around the same time. Despite a great living/potential career situation with opportunity all around me at a great university, I fell into a deep depression that even after a year later I'm still fighting back from. I have had no luck with girls since then. But I haven't really tried. In fact I think subconsciously I've been avoidant. I'm worried that the relationship left me with toxic views of women. Thinking that they will all hurt or betray me. I've always considered myself very socially conscious so only just now am I willing to admit I may hold this view. I think I tried to masquerade it by hiding behind getting really into feminism/left wing ideology. (some of which has been very eye-opening, but also ultimately feels like a hollow 'mask' sometimes at the end of the day, when I don't even have the confidence in public to feel like I 'stand for' my beliefs, and am thinking there is still cognitive dissonance between such ideas and how I actually act toward people). I'm tired of being a shut in and watching my old friendships and lust for life that I once had all disintegrate. I still need to 'heal', but I don't know how? Sometimes I just feel lost, and I don't know what it means to be a man, or even just an upstanding person in society anymore. Thanks.