I'm 25 years old. I never got the chance to move out and go to university and have that experience of meeting people and making a new life re-inventing myself - I've never had sex or been in a relationship.
The thing is, I know that girls have found me attractive, but I just don't know what I'm doing. I lost someone I liked recently because I let my emotions get the better of me and turned them off by telling them how I feel with paragraphs of text messages (nothing hostile, just infantile cringe). This person clearly has had more experience than me sexually and it made me feel inferior because I imagine the guys they are now talking to are more masculine than me.
She genuinely did like me - invited me out to see her family, meet her friends, and I screwed it all up because I was afraid and felt like me being a virgin would ruin everything. Yet here I am in a worse position. She's already talking to other people, always says she's busy even though we agreed to be friends.
She said to me one day, if we don't find someone let's get married when we're 30 (as a joke). The thing is, I just feel like because I haven't been able to move out I haven't grown at all. Work salaries can't help with paying rent and save at the same time and I'd also be too broke to go out.
My opportunities in my area are slim and more and more I realise how fucked my life is and how my parents have done such a shitty job preparing me for the real world.
I feel like I'll never find the right person and I'm hopeless at reading cues the girl liked me. She comes from a rich background so her concept of money is different to mine and it's clear she has had more fun in her time and knows how to have it. I wasn't enough and she must think I'm a loser now and is no longer attracted to me.
I treat people with respect and try and be as empathetic and understanding as possible, but I feel like I'm never advancing and getting walked over all the time. I feel pathetic and that I am a child in an adults body.
I just see no hope for the future and this whole redpill shit I agree is nonsense, but I can't help but feel like I'm not good at sex or courting - I'm too infantile because I haven't had the social opportunities she has had growing up.
She said she understands me and we'll talk in two weeks time, but I feel like romance is completely off the table. Even just saying that I feel stupid because I feel like she just wanted me as a safety net the whole time...
