ExRedPill's Purpose - Bashing incels or rehabilitation?

Brighr51 · 2022-05-03T13:35:17+00:00

People forget that each person who posts here is new to leaving the RedPill. Regulars here get frustrated hearing the same brainwashed rhetoric and need be more understanding to new posters.

JLCpbfspbfspbfs · 2022-05-03T13:14:21+00:00

Shaming any person who is questioning their red-pilled or black-pilled beliefs is only going to make them double down on their previous views, not abandon them. It's a problematic behavior I've seen in this sub.

I agree that a lot of men find themselves red-pilled because of previous abuse, depression and trauma and find those that spread red/black pill bullshit sympathetic to their problems.

I believe that many opponents of the red pill get too hyperfocused on the misogynist rhetoric that they've picked up and completely miss or even ignore the trauma, the sadness and/or the abuse.

I think we collectively need to do better to identify these traumas and provide positive and helpful resources and make them more publicly visible. It's the best way to combat the ideological cancer that is the red pill!

n0name1026 · 2022-05-03T14:17:46+00:00

I think a crucial aspect is first recognizing that the concept of 'personal responsibility' has been so repeated and enforced that its become insidious. The first reaction anyone has to men who are struggling with dating is to say that they're somehow doing something wrong.

The thing that 98% of anyone who talks about men's dating struggles does, is they dont focus on what the hinge points were which turned this person into who he currently is. Everyone starts out as a baby, every boy starts out wanting to play and be happy. At a certain point boys start becoming interested in girls and a boy may watch his friends who change nothing about themselves getting dates. He doesn't know why he can't get a 'yes'. He might then cycle through the conventional talking points (have 'confidence' dress differently, try to be more friendly etc.) To no effect. Then he finds himself watching a reccomended youtube video or forums where men say something that sounds to him like a brutal truth 'you're getting rejected because you're under 6'0 tall. You're getting rejected because your voice is annoying, you're getting rejected because of your weight or lack of muscle' etc. Things that the man is not what he does. Its more painful to hear that, but then this brutal truth teller will then tell him "here are some strategies that might help" and just like that he's pulled into the redpill.

To me the way I approach it is by meeting men where they are at. Why is it important to them to have a girlfriend? What do they think having women in their lives will do for it? Do they think its possible to be happy and feel masculine without women? Our society has become so obsessed with romantic relationships that it has led to men trying to define themselves and their masculinity through women and getting women's attention. Its led them to take desperate measures to the point where even if they get into the relationship, they resort to manipulative tactics promoted in redpill thought in order to keep the woman in his life. Hes not actually happy and hes using the woman to validate himself but its really not working and both him and her are slowly becoming more anxious, unhappy and afraid. This to me needs to be a safe place where we tackle each of the toxic and ubiquitous myths about dating and gender. For me these are those myths:

Flirting and getting dates is not very challenging and or demoralizing for men.
Looks aren't important to women.
Theres someone out there for everyone, you need another person in your life to 'complete' you.
If youre not having success its something you're doing wrong. You're completely responsible for whether women like you in that way.
Depression, trauma, and emotional pain aren't factors that are more important for you to address first before thinking about bringing other people into your life.
Women don't contribute to upholding toxic masculinity and gender essentialism.

mountingsuspicion · 2022-05-03T21:31:13+00:00

I’m not sure if this is the place to mention it, but r/MensLib is a good start. I think a lot of progressives agree that it’s normal and healthy to need a place to discuss issues with people that understand your life experience, but conservatives take this to a really toxic place and non-political people don’t realize the larger societal implications of the lack of male spaces. Although it has a very different ideological lean to the red and black pills it’s clearly men working on identifying mens issues and how to overcome them together. I’d like that to become more mainstream.

Yesm3can · 2022-05-03T12:26:36+00:00

I am more focusing on ideas on how to 'distract'(?), or refocussed young guys from wanting validation and attention from women and instead self-validate, you know?

The result may vary, but a lot of young women are encouraged to find validation and happiness within themselves. (Which is awesome!) Through self-care, through travels, through trying new things, through career, through single motherhood (as in the one with official sperm donor), etc.

And I have never really heard something like that for men?

If a guy saying that he wanted to be a dad, but he has not yet found a partner eventhough financially and mentally he is ready, and that age is catching up to him, very few people would have suggested egg donor and surrogacy, or adoption to him.

Grappleheart · 2022-05-03T09:38:05+00:00

For someone to be rehabilitated they have to want to be. In many cases the red pill forces many to reject anyone genuinely reaching out to help. There is also a heavy confirmation bias because it peddles in half truths. Yes some wen are absolute assholes in dating. And yes things like height and income matter in relationships. But that isn't the case in all or even most interactions.

Meiguishui · 2022-05-03T10:03:37+00:00

A suggestion is to stop identifying as an incel. The only people deserving of bashing are those who are exploiting the vulnerable ie. who have you believe you are an incel.

Naus1987 · 2022-05-03T18:52:00+00:00

Therapy is the best thing that ever happened to me, lol.

It’s ironically what led me to discovering red pill though ;)

Prior to therapy I had abandonment issues and codependency issues. I never had incel problems. I was nonstop in relationships all my adult life. From 16 to 30+

So as a 5’7” guy, I had no problem getting relationships, because I invested everything I was into that Disney romance. I have no regrets, because I loved it all. The poetry, the grand romantic gestures. The cute gifts. It was exciting to indulge my emotions. But due to my issues, it was like an unending hunger that constantly craved the romantic cure!

Therapy helped me realize I was awesome on my own. And I discovered red pill, because I was drawn to MGTOW. I was excited to meet other people who’ve shaken the shackles of codependency and abandonment issues. The kinds of people who had embraced being on their own!

It’s true that a lot of red pill is toxic. But it was an incredible breath of fresh air to see others embrace singlehood. And in a way shrug off the codependency tropes of modern media.

I always treat everything with an ethical lens. I feel like I can listen to red pill content. Enjoy the safe/ethical stuff. And then just shrug and ignore the unethical ramblings.

The news and media have to be treated like family. You can appreciate when they do good. But don’t gobble up the insane ramblings. Tune that shit out.

I fear the biggest problem with today’s folks are they’re too extreme. It’s always black and white. Agree with everything or block and censor. No tolerant family vibes

wardio4 · 2022-05-03T09:13:33+00:00

Sadly I think shaming people you disagree with has become common in society overall like calling someone a "libtard" or "Tory scum" isn't going to change their or anyone else's political opinions.

nigerianprince421 · 2022-05-03T12:00:36+00:00

Ok, so for starters I used to be blackpill (incel tier) and I won't lie, it was not an easy rabbit hole to escape, however, with time, therapy, and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone I gradually built more confidence and escaped that pit of self-destructive nonsense.

I am glad you could get out. Many of the ex-RP who come here are ex-RP because they have actually gone from RP to black pill and that's a whole another can of worms. I guess r-IncelExit might help those.

DanMarinosDolphins · 2022-05-03T12:40:58+00:00

This sub seems hollow to me. It criticizes the ways men have organized movements and their ideologies without offering any replacement. And women can't do it. Men and women are not the same. Women can't lead a men's movement anymore than a man could leads a woman's movement.

There might be little tips and tricks here an there. But there is no male movement right now that isn't somehow in support of patriarchy and toxic masculinity. Regardless of whether it's conforming to it, or resentful of it.

Brighr51 · 2022-05-05T20:59:11+00:00

I hear you bro. What the internet needs is someone to create a new men's space that is not RedPilled or BlackPilled.

Isolated men going through shitty times turn to the internet for solace and end up down a rabbit hole when they're hurt, vulnerable and impressionable. Those spaces thrive because those men do need support, some place to go, some place to feel heard. Therapy isn't accessible to everyone - especially the poor - which may explain why those spaces are full of low incomes and introverts. Other men have other places to turn, but these men are crying out for community support.

BlankKeyTag · 2022-08-04T03:43:21+00:00

Incels tell society things about itself that it really doesn't want to hear. We believe our ways of coupling are good and natural. That's because we're biased toward seeing the successful, happy people and blaming the unhappy and unsuccessful for their own failure.

We have probably demonized incels as a way to reassure our beliefs in the social status quo. They threaten it in all sorts of ways. They imply it's objectifying, callous and cruel. That's why we need to believe that they are all like the media image: infantile, rageful, misogynistic, and potentially violent.

The individual beset by self-pity is everybody's whipping boy. We think it's actually healthy for us to ostracize and victim-blame them. Incels typically have self-pity as a cross to bear. The pain it causes is all too real, but it is very difficult for others to care.

-Faoladh- · 2022-05-03T17:53:34+00:00

What guys need to realise is that their ‘safe space is actually toxic to THEM as well as being built on a foundation that actively harms women physically and psychologically. You have to come out of your hugbox and realise that men are generally worried about their ego being bruised and women are generally worried about being raped and murdered. And the guys posting here are also very clearly still in the redpill mindset and it’s clear even from the terminology they’re using. If you want to leave the redpill you have to no longer be comfortable in it. It’s like getting baptised and coming to Christ, you’re not supposed to feel comfortable in your sin

heytheredelilah91 · 2022-05-03T22:36:30+00:00

No space is a safe space when you leave your echo chamber comfort zone. But you don't live, learn, or grow until you do leave your comfort zone.

pertante · 2022-05-04T13:38:55+00:00

I am glad you are sharing your success in getting out of this mindset. I don't consider myself any sort of pill but have thought that therapy can be useful. If someone seeking therapy is having trouble connecting to or affording therapy, keeping a journal to at least getting your thoughts out could help in the meantime. Use it to look at your views, why you have them and try to consider how to challenge them.

Another good spot to look at for anyone who considers themselves an incel, r/IncelExit is an option to vent and get advice on how to work on things.

Title	ExRedPill's Purpose - Bashing incels or rehabilitation?
Author	Brighr51
Upvotes	45
Comments	61
Date	May 3, 2022 8:44 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/uhbo17/exredpills_purpose_bashing_incels_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/exredpills-purpose-bashing-incels-or.1115764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115764

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