I’m killing my relationship because of my anxiety. I find myself interrogating her about her attraction or love for me and I found out last night that it’s gotten to the point that she’s considered leaving (this was said because I asked her, not in spite. I do appreciate that she’s honest with me)

There’s far too much to say and too many nuances to convey over a short post like this but I’ll do my best to pain a short, fair picture.

This is my first serious relationship, my girlfriend has had a couple before me. My girlfriend had an extensive past with alcohol and drug experimentation and dating not so great guys abd whatnot but a couple years ago she made the decision to leave that all behind and looking at it objectively, she’s largely succeeded in that and I should be congratulating her for working on herself so much. In reality though, I still worry about it a lot. I have generalized anxiety and issues with low self esteem. I don’t tend to worry about things for absolutely no reason but I undeniably catastrophize and take a small trigger and turn it into a big thing. about 3 months into our relationship I started finding out stuff that bothered me and made me feel more inadequate than before. I feel like she’s naturally attracted to confident, kinda asshole guys but that she’s settling/convincing herself I’m just as attractive. I found out she had a crush on an adult instructor around the time we met for that exact reason and things started spiraling from there. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of feeing inadequate which causes me to be insecure and “interrogate” (her words) her which causes her to be less sure about me. Fast forward a few months and we’re at the point where I need to pull myself together or she’s going to leave. I’m not going to lie, hearing that fucked me up a bit but I understand that for the most part this is my fault. I care about her and don’t want her to be with anyone who’s bad for her anymore, and that extends to me as well, as hard as that is to grapple with.

I watched this video by Dan Bacon and it made a lot of sense to me but I’ve also heard some negative things about a lot of his pick up videos. https://youtu.be/MMIY68d_KCM

Was wondering if you think the advice in that video is sound and/or if you have any other resources for me.