I am writing this on a throwaway account for obvious reasons. My experiences may actually bring either sympathy or hatred my way. That is not my goal. My goal is to tell my story about how a socially awkward teenager turned into a far-right fascist with a manosphere mentality. For anyone wanting some things cleared up. The manosphere is a network-oriented to gear towards an authoritarian version of masculinity. The manosphere is home to incels, men/fathers rights activists, pick-up artists, the Red Pill, and MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way). The entire spectrum has different views, but they do have a few things in common. That being despising women, having a far-right perspective of the world, and take to the internet to voice how things should be carried out. Some have made it as far as carrying out violence against women or terrorist attacks that stopped the world in their tracks. I bet you are thinking about Isla Vista or Christchurch. Now, let us descend the rabbit hole for all its glory.

We all know that one person in our high school who we see sitting alone but we don’t want to sit next to them because they are weird and have heard rumors of their eccentric behaviors. That person was me. I often spent my High School years as a recluse. I was bullied for my physical appearance and odd behaviors which made it hard for me to connect with people. That said I did have a group of friends. However, I was often the butt of the joke because they would often get sick of me. I do not blame them because I was often whining about women in our school. I often perceived that women did not approach me because I was not physically attractive. Turns out women like men can read you like a book. There were times when I talked to a girl. The conversation was pleasant. Was this conversation initiated for me to make friends? No. Very time I had a conversation with women I would often picture how I would get into their pants. I thought that if I were to manipulate women into liking me, then I make them have sex with me because I was nice to them. Luckily, this failed. I was initially in my “nice guy” mindset and often thought that being polite was the dealmaker for letting “slay that pussy”. My attitudes towards women were so toxic that whenever I saw a girl walking past my desk. I would snare in anger as she walked past me. I would snare because I was taking my frustrations out on women. My nail in the coffin was at lunch with my group of friends. That day I was built up with anger for no reason. Repressed anger was one of my characteristics. People would walk eggshells around me to avoid making me exploded. My rant that day was spicy. My rant was about how love was a mental illness and love is for people who are too stupid to admit that we are living in a society where women are allowed to have sex with the most good looking guys in the school, but not me. My friends called me out on my shit, and I responded by calling them “cucks”. High school years went by and left with low crippling self-esteem and depression. I did have one activity that I enjoyed. That was anti-SJW content. Mind you, this was in 2017 and this sort of content was at its peak. It clogged up my YouTube recommendation system. Non-stop videos of caricature feminists getting “destroyed” and watching BLM protestors getting run over was justice. Those videos influenced me to see “the Left” as this man-hating, spoiled collective who just want to hate on white people. The best part of 2017 was being accepted into university. I had university planned out in my mind. Study, go on Tinder, and make friends. All three happened. However, one was truly successful. Tinder was a colossal failure and I never knew how to actually build genuine connections with people. You may be asking, why didn’t you approach women. Well, I never actually had the confidence or self-esteem to approach women. I decided to take the easy route and sit on the sidelines hating them. I was honestly pathetic. I even used Tinder to set up a fake profile as an attractive guy who had positive body language. I used this profile to troll and berate women. I would do this for next year and would last until December 2019. During my university years, I dived deeper. I was no longer an apolitical person. That shed when I began watching far-right Youtubers such as Paul Joseph Watson, TheQuartering, Lauren Chen, No Bullshit, The Iconoclast, and Black Pigeon Speaks. The content often had anti-feminism and pro-MGTOW propaganda. I also watch PUA YouTubers such as David Bond, and Roosh V. Aside from studying, I had nothing going for me. I barely had any friends that I could go to for support.

My behavior towards women was pig-like. I would passive-aggressively stare at attractive and would often mansplain concepts to them on purpose to belittle them. I would picture scenarios in my head with the woman I was staring at and picture them being abused by their partner and get turned on by it. Honestly, what the actual fuck was wrong with me. My behavior was enabled when online. I would often browse 4chan and incel forums. I would often vent about how women wouldn't fuck me and often asked how to manipulate them into sleeping with me. I was a raging misogynist on the internet. I spent most of my time on 4chan and incel forums. My political views from 2018 to late 2019 were horrifying. I was a fascist who wanted to kick out anyone from the Middle East and Africa. I advocated a white ethnostate. I believed that feminism was the reason for why I wasn’t getting laid and wanted women to have their sexuality controlled for me to enjoy only. I was just an angry loner who just wanted someone to connect with. It wasn’t until February 2020 where I realized, I needed to change. I noticed that women were going for men who were actually sweet and kind to them. I educated myself on sexism and racism. I now see women as people and no longer feel the need to direct any anger towards them. I was far-right for 2 years but it took a few weeks to dismantle my views. I may have left out some things because I have accidentally forgotten them. So feel free to ask me anything.