Ruined my relationship

SweelFor- · 2023-02-24T19:01:48+00:00

This is my general answer to "how can I stop having red pill ideas":

1) Wherever you learned this from, cut it away. Unsubscribe from the youtube channels, unsubscribe from the subreddits, stop talking to the people who taught you this. Stop letting these ideas enter your brain. It will make the rest much easier.

2) Learn correct psychology. Red pill/incel ideas are incorrect psychology. The solution is to learn correct ideas instead, which is psychology.

I recommend you watch this channel and videos for example:

https://youtu.be/MrGgZTTL6pc

https://youtu.be/EwULU0jceDw

https://youtu.be/d04-3YOZV6Q

I recommend that you watch 10 videos. Then 20, then 50. However long you spent hearing incorrect ideas that led you to this mindset, spend as much time or more listening to good ideas.

3) Incel/red pill types of mindset usually come from more isolated people. If this is your case, you should try developping your social life in general. Not in regard to women and dating. Just in general. It's always less likely that you will obsess over incel thoughts, if you have a strong support system, and if you hang out with normal people who have normal ideas.

4) It is possible that you will need therapy, to help recover from this mindset. Not necessarily, but it's possible. It's possible that you believe those ideas because of early childhood experiences, that primed you to believe such things, and that you haven't recovered from. If this is your case, then therapy would help you recover from that.

Naus1987 · 2023-02-25T01:20:16+00:00

Considering infidelity as a contingency plan is weird.

That’s like saying you’re worried about losing your job, so you decide to take up stealing.

You can be worried about the future, but you shouldn’t result to unethical behavior to compensate.

Like what makes you think that’s ok?

Rainiya · 2023-02-25T15:42:00+00:00

First: STD test. Get it cleared. The amount of acquitances of mine who got cheated on and then got the claps and their ilks, as extra heartbreak bonus is unfortunately NOT zero. One woman I know got HPV from her partner cheating, and needed to have LEEP done on her cervix. Google that if you want.

Did not matter if you were wearing condoms and the sidechick dental dams. Do that STI panels.

Second: Just be...normal. Like most people in relationships are not cheaters. To avoid cheating, you literally just have to do...nothing. Receiving flirty text? Do nothing. Someone flirted with you from across the room? Do nothing. Some pop up about hot singles in your area? Correct. Do nothing.

Not cheating is the easiest thing in the world, cause one just need to...not do anything.

Third: I guess give her space if she wants to. But if you believe that she is as great as she is. Don't she just logically deserve someone as great as her though? And a loyal fellow who does not cheat is dime a dozen.

And if she were with you, she did not even get to have that. Does not sound logical for me.

thepolskanator · 2023-02-25T00:03:42+00:00

You really need more self confidence. I promise you everything will work but you must work on your self confidence.

She's beautiful and can get any man she would like, I am sure - men who are in a better position than me, who make more money than me, who can take her to places I cannot. I am just a student at the end of the day, She says she doesn't care about these things

I had the exact situation, thought I was not good enough, that she will leave me. Its a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I lost my girl because I was an insecure dude in the end. I was confident in the beginning - even if I had a shitty job and was skinny but I made her laugh like no one else did.

Think about your strengths. You must be a great catch too if she likes you so much. She sees your potential.

but I can see in her eyes she is tired but I need her in my life.

This "I need her in my life" could be too much for her. I know how it feels and we cant imagine a life without our partner, but we somehow lived before. Its sounds like you put her on a pedestal. Maybe she needs you too.

You are both great catches and I hope everything will work out.

OpalMagnus · 2023-03-05T00:50:16+00:00

Alright, I might get some shit for this, but here I go.

I understand you. I ended leaving the love of my life (we thankfully worked it out) because of my insecurities. I always thought he would leave me or was lying about loving me because he was more distant than I would’ve liked. I never realized you could just, ya know, talk about your needs with your partner or talk about your insecurities. I thought you needed to help that inside in order to not give your partner “ammo” to hurt you with.

It took years of therapy and I’m still insecure, but I also know that my insecurities are in my head. I don’t take them out on others, they don’t dictate how I see the world or what I believe. Mostly they’re annoying. Like “ah, shit, this thought again? Didn’t I fix you last week?”

Basically, I learned that everything I thought about the world was because of how I was raised. My parents passed all their weird beliefs about the world onto me. Some childhood trauma made it worse and I realized I was in a constant state of survival—always in fight or flight.

You might feel it too: Do you always feel like you need to “prepare for the worst”? Do you feel like you always need scenarios to be “certain” and don’t respond well to the unknown? Do you beat yourself up when things go wrong because you should’ve “known better”? Do you feel like most people are out to get you or that they will inevitably hurt you? Do you always believe people have an ulterior motive? Is your purpose in life to avoid any pain or suffering rather or to just feel “stable” than fulfilling a goal or higher calling?

And it’s tough when that’s how you’ve always thought because you have no other frame of reference. It was only by listening to others’ perspectives on the world that I realized “oh wait, I don’t have to believe this or that” and also realizing that I was stuck in “survival mode” that helped me change my patterns. You basically have to re-parent yourself, but my partner thanks me every day for putting in the work.

rosecolored_glasses · 2023-02-25T18:08:29+00:00

This girl deserves better. Let her go and seek therapy.

Then_Ant7250 · 2023-02-28T21:21:27+00:00

Let her go. You destroyed it already. Looks to me like you focused on “me” and “her”, versus focusing on “us”. Love is about 2 people putting each other’s needs before their own. Wanting the best for each other (including wanting one’s partner to have a parter who doesn’t cheat). The minute you feel the need to have to monitor each others social media, go through pockets, break into phones etc, the relationship is fucked. Who wants to live like that? And it sounds like you really don’t want to be monogamous.

mizzmochababe · 2023-09-07T21:40:33+00:00

The Red Pill community snuck its way into the father of my kids ideologies. I know Joe Rogan isn't strictly red pill but it was primarily his channel that skewed my ex's views. The father of my kids developed a fear/paranoia of me taking the kids from him and that fear was ignited by the many videos Joe Rogan has done on single moms. Despite me telling my ex that I wouldn't take the kids from him as I feel it's important for them to have both parents in their lives, he still treated me like I was going to take the kids and leave and what was once a happy relationship slowly became unhealthy. The ideologies he would hear on these podcasts would come out in arguments and he would use other men's unfortunate experiences to justify his harmful rhetoric and paranoia. Once he was fully convinced that the podcasts were right, he became abusive in every way towards me. He'd use scenarios nothing to do with me/us/our relationship to belittle me as his gf and the mother of his kids. I would always ask him "where is this coming from?!" to which he'd just scoff at me and walk away. When I asked him if he would go to couples therapy with me or any therapy in general, he'd always respond "I don't need help" and proceed to apply the responsibility of our conflicts solely on me. I actually did go to get help and therapy without him and he thought that me getting therapy would fix all of our issues which it didn't.. it caused more because once he realized that my therapist and psychiatrist was telling me to leave him, he proceeded to even try to manipulate that and used classic gaslighting to imply that I was villianizing him to the professionals, when I wasn't I was discussing the dynamic of our relationship at the time.. I had even said to him "you're free to join my sessions and speak your side of things" but he didn't think he needed help. At the end of our relationship, these views and his paranoia had completely taken over and what was supposed to be a peaceful, mutual breakup ended up with him beating me to a pulp, falsely charging me when I defended myself (which was fully dismissed from my record) and taking off with the kids to the boonies to live with his parents. So all of that was caused by a fear/paranoia that he ended up doing to me. We co-parent now, and he still has some of these ideologies but as time has gone on in the last 3 years separated.. he has gotten better with it.. I feel it's because we have a daughter and he's starting to see the reality of the female experience through her. I just know if he never got into any of those podcasts... things definitely would have been different.

TREVONTHEDRAGON · 2023-02-24T23:28:31+00:00

Your insecure it has nothing to do with red pill

GirlGazing · 2023-03-02T06:28:28+00:00

Wow. I hope she leaves you. You’re an a hole who needs therapy. I mean, your type loves to call women illogical, but this really takes the biscuit. You’re paranoid, selfish & abusive & only upset because if she leaves you it’ll hurt your pathetic feelings & force you to face your own bs.

Confident-Ad-4569 · 2023-02-25T14:45:53+00:00

Like anything else in life, it's what you make of it. You chose to fuck other women. You didn't have self-control, and honestly, if you want to keep her, dont tell her anything you did. Also, the RP ideology says not all women but any woman can.

Title	Ruined my relationship
Author	CustomerMysterious70
Upvotes	11
Comments	42
Date	February 24, 2023 6:08 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11axtz2/ruined_my_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/ruined-my-relationship.1153476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153476

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