~ archived since 2018 ~

Some insights into dating and height

spiraldinosaur · 2024-02-17T19:45:05+00:00

I came across this post the other day and thought it would be worth sharing on here. Basically it's someone asking how dating is going for guys around...

spiraldinosaur

February 17, 2024

25 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Some insights into dating and height
Author	spiraldinosaur
Upvotes	25
Comments	41
Date	February 17, 2024 7:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1atafp9/some_insights_into_dating_and_height/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/some-insights-into-dating-and-height.1245678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245678

Comments

[–]oldcousingreg 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]IzzyDonuts 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link

[–]IzzyDonuts 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago* (24 children) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]IzzyDonuts 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

my point is, why should the data, or a survey actually matter to you? You are one person, and you are looking to date (typically) one person. If I do a huge survey and find out that 60% of short men have a hard time dating, there's 2 things to take away from that.

Correlation is not causation. Just because a majority of short men have a hard time dating, does not mean that being short makes dating hard. Perhaps their height causes issues with their self confidence, perhaps the issue isn't their height but a Napoleon complex. Perhaps their numbers are actually similar to taller men too and we're not looking at the full picture. Point being; statistics and quantitive data only tell part of the story, especially when discussing social, societal, or anthropological topics such as dating and attractiveness
Even if you somehow prove that 60% of short men have a hard time dating because of their height, none of that decides whether you're in the 60% or the 40%. Ultimately, you are one person, and a mass survey of lots of people won't decide how your dating life goes. Only you can decide that

My point of sharing this wasn't to prove that statistically short men don't have issues with dating, it's to prove that it's no as black and white as some people - particularly manosphere voices - will make it out to be. It is indeed possible to be short and be attractive. Whether someone wants to take that on board and find a little confidence and comfort with it, or whether they want to argue that it isn't true and continue sulking about how it's so unfair, is ultimately a matter of mentality and attitude and is a personal choice.

[–]IzzyDonuts -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago* (20 children) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]IzzyDonuts 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

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[–]spiraldinosaur1 point 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

But how does any of that actually help you overcome your issue of not being able to find a date? How does any of that help you - if you're a shorter guy - become one of the (many) shorter guys out there who do have success in dating?

I do care about those guys who are struggling, in fact the very reason I'm here is to help others; I've never had an issue myself. But that's exactly why I want people to recognise that looking at these stats isn't helpful. That's why I want to help people recognise that being short is not a life sentence of loneliness, but believing that being short makes you unattractive is. That's why I want to help these men gain some confidence, feel better about themselves, and use their best traits to find suitable matches (amongst other things).

Again, these stats are usually poor quality, and they fail to look at the bigger picture. They lead people like yourself to jump to conclusions that only result in less confidence in dating and in yourself generally. If looking at stats like this leads people to inceldom or the red pill, then that's all the more reason to believe that looking at these stats is a bad idea.

[–]Luciansleep1 point 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur1 point 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

But you can't improve your height, so there's nothing to gain from making people feel like their height is an issue, especially given that there's plenty of cases where it's not.

We all get shot down. That's how dating works. You try meeting different people until you find someone compatible. Some women don't want to date short guys. Almost all women don't want to date a short guy who acts like his life is ruined because of his height and has some shitty attitude for it. But plenty of women are happy to date a short guy who is good company, a nice person, who is funny, kind, compassionate, interesting.

Telling short men that their height doesn't mean they'll be lonely forever isn't lying. Nor is it setting unrealistic expectations. We should all expect rejection, regardless of who we are or how tall we are, it's normal.

[–]Luciansleep1 point 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur1 point 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

My point is if you look at these guys in here, from incel groups and red pill groups, you'll hear this same message again and again that these short dudes think their life is over and they will be alone forever because of their height. That's what the manosphere is telling these men. That's the message they're picking up. I'm merely trying to share some positive examples to help undo that messaging that absolutely destroys these guys' confidence, and turns them into men who really will be alone forever.

Better to go out there knowing that being short doesn't mean your doomed, and knowing that rejection is a normal part of the process for everyone than to go out there with your confidence completely shredded because you've seen some stats (again, usually totally unreliable), telling you that nobody likes you.

In my case, I'm skinny as hell. Literally underweight. I'm sure I could find some survey that says that woman don't like skinny men. But instead, I went out there knowing that some women do like skinny men. It gave me the confidence to meet women without worrying about it, and it gave me the confidence to handle rejection without it feeling bad.

The thing that you're overlooking is that those stats about "women prefer taller men" are just useless and totally misleading. They'll show women pictures of men and ask who's more attractive. But those responses are entirely different when women actually get to know someone. While they might - on first impression - prefer a taller guy, they ultimately decide whether they want anything to go anywhere based on so much more than those first impressions. And that's the biggest, most important point that so much red pill incel bullshit misses. It's all about this surface level, first seconds of looking at someone, as if that's the most all that matters, when in reality it matters very, very little compared to the following minutes, hours, days of getting to know someone.

So I still stand by it; seeing some stats about "women prefer taller men" is bullshit, worthless nonsense that only serves to destroy the confidence of shorter men.

And I'm not saying anyone is perfect. Most guys in here really need to work on many aspects of themselves. I'm saying that it is not their height that's the issue, and they can stop worrying about it.

[–]Evening_Crew_2873 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]spiraldinosaur[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Evening_Crew_28732 points 2 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Luciansleep 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Evening_Crew_2873 2 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Evening_Crew_2873 2 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Also, I want to iterate that my comment was not about what's ok or isn't, it's about what works and what doesn't.

You have every right to freak out or mope, get sad or whatever if someone Makes a light hearted joke about you. But don't expect that to peak her curiosity about you. Expect to kill the attraction. And that might even be the goal if your morals are rigid amd that's fine. You don't have to date someone who says things you don't like if they kill your buzz just as they don't have to like you if you kill their buzz.

Again, I'm totally aware of double standards, I didn't create human nature, and human nature is what it is despite if I agree or not, I just observe it and talk about how it is, so please don't shoot the messenger. If I could change everyone in the world, I would. But I can't and neither can you. All we can change is ourselves

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link